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Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Growth and Evolution of the Innerself

Growth and Evolution of the Innerself

Why have we been born as we are? What is the inner self, which resides within both our conscious and subconscious  mind? It is our entire personality, emotions, thoughts, our rationality, ethics, values, perceptions and understanding of the world around us. It is the analyst and the philosopher , the romantic, adventurist, the dreamer, the seer, the spiritualist, the creationist, the evolutionist, the egoistic or the selfless all as one within us all. All these pieces that make up our varied human traits and nature are the seeds within our own mind waiting to be sown and nurtured then cultivating the mature self into being.

Like the branches of the maturing oak tree, their sturdiness and size will be determined from nourishment and nurture the seeds receive during their period of growth from the roots to the final matured tree to the tip of it's limbs. Our characteristics grow much the same way and these seeds I have mentioned are manifested from within our brain. They define who and what we are to be from the moment of conception. Your inner seed will grow to become like the fully mature character of the person you were programed to be from the core of your inner seed.

You either grow and mature into your true characteristics as you were meant to be or you will wither and not fully mature, leaving many of your branches barren and fruitless.

Our natural characteristics as to who we truly are and know ourselves to be within cannot be killed or erased from the subconscious mind. They may be repressed from the conscious mind for a time, but eventually someplace down the road these characteristics will resurface. The inner seed is *not* learned behavior, it is deeply *rooted from the original seed* within the heart and mind. We are who we are from birth and this seed within the mind will determine the being that will be the person. So it is with all of our traits and gifts.

It took me many years of living against my own instincts which even though it was only meaningless fragmented pieces from my past these thoughts continued to resurface. But it wasn’t until I was ready to Identify and accept  those past memories as my own did I begin to see my own light.

I felt like I was possessed by demons who were constantly prodding me to go against my own innermost nature and feelings. It was like being torn apart from the inside out. I needn’t worry about going to hell. I was already there. So be it, if I must survive I had to surrender and accept my lot in life, in doing this, I came to accept the one who resided within for better or worst.

Even though I had already accepted who I was and started learning to grow and evolve as my true self within, *to explore my own soul* this experience turned out to be one of the most extraordinary but scary journeys I have ever undertaken in my life. I had unwarranted fears that those who had tried to fit me to their mold would come back to punish me for defying them, and I would once again find myself at their mercy and living on the street.

At one point in my recovery all the anxiety, and all of the relentless, senseless fears, like many others I had in the past, nearly petrified me into inactivity or full retreat. But once I weighed out the consequences and alternatives, I found that if I wished to survive the consequences of my past and to live and survive in society, there was no other way to do so other than to accept the only useful alternate. That course was to be assertively honest with myself and accept myself as to who my true self is within, and to be the best her that I could be..

Once I surrendered, a great pressure was released and I felt as light as a feather. You see, there was never anyone else living as me to start with. The other characteristics I had taken on were the false ones I had manifested to be me, Like acting out a part in a play, turning the mouse into a lion so to speak.  At the time it was a necessity for survival.

Goddess loves the child within. Goddess has always loved her. It is only I who denied and hid from her true essence and simplicity of heart and mind for all those years. Once I accepted the inner me, *I am me!* I stand before the Goddess in naked childlike innocence. I am a child of the Sacred Feminine, Queen of Universe.

I shall be reasonably happy in this life as long as I carry my own light, and I shall be supremely happy with the light of all lights forever in the next.

I carried this burden for too many years, then upon finding the resting place, I put down my sack and sorted out all of the trash I had collected on my journey in this life and threw out what I no longer needed. Dropping the empty sack behind me, I walked over to my mount and climbed upon my beloved dragon’s back. The splendid creature she is, she flew away in a cloud of dust and vanished among the silvery lined clouds illuminated by the silver moon above.




  1. Hello Cyn,such a super beautiful blog, thanks for your kind visit. I have enjoyed reading your deeply profound and beautiful journey, thanks for sharing it! Lovely to meet a kindred on this magical path and journey of spirit.

  2. Thank you very much for visiting and your comments are very welcome <3 <3