stars

Welcome my dear friends. Enjoy your visit and share your thoughts. Thank you, much love

Thursday, 30 January 2014

Letting Go of Holding On

Letting Go of Holding On


Posted by Moonlight Gypsy on January 30, 2014 at 7:45pm
Holding on to a habit like a daily walk seems pretty harmless and even admirable. But think about the intensity with which we dogmatically hold on to our opinions and beliefs. Don't we often do damage to ourselves and others by determinedly clutching at opinions and beliefs that have little or no objective reality? Think about married couples fighting over the right temperature at which to set the thermostat or the correct way to stack the dishwasher. They each have strong opinions and arguments for a specific point of view. Watching sitcom couples struggle with this level of unresolved conflict can occasionally be funny. Living this way can be painful.

.
The Buddha taught that it is usually a mistake to believe that any opinion or situation is objectively good or bad since everything depends on the perspective of the viewer. We see this in the horror of war, where one side can be rejoicing over the body count while the other is mourning its losses. Each side is attached to and invested in its own beliefs and opinions and holding on, no matter what the cost. What we each have in our lives thus are wanted and unwanted experiences, which are almost entirely dependent on individual opinions, preferences, and desires.
.
We suffer because of a lack of validity knowing and understanding reality, what it is and how it works. The Buddha taught that it is like a group of blind men touching an elephant and then trying to describe what an elephant is. The one holding a leg says that an elephant is like a pillar, the one holding the tail emphatically says that it is like a rope, while the one confronting its side is quite sure the elephant is a wall. Because we are not totally aware or conscious, we have little ability to see and comprehend the whole.
.
Mindlessly and rigidly holding on to anything exacts a heavy price. Think about how much energy and attention we have invested in maintaining and holding together our own self-image and persona. What a relief it is when we let down our guard and allow ourselves to be authentic and real. When we stop holding on, it's a little like taking off our shoes and allowing ourselves to relax. It's like taking a breather in the midst of hard work. It feels very good.
.
The self is not a solid entity, yet we congeal around that self-concept until it becomes a continuous activity centered around a tightly held, cherished egotism. From this, all kinds of mischievous forms of selfishness arise. Buddhists say that we suffer as a result of our believing that things are permanent; we suffer because we believe that things truly, objectively, lastingly exist. We suffer because we think that our opinions and concerns are important and have lasting reality.
.
We take ourselves so seriously that we tend to believe that our moods and emotions are real entities. When Andy, for example, gets angry with his twin sister Rachel, his feelings are so intense that, for the moment at least, he wants to annihilate her. Fortunately for Rachel, Andy's method of attack is limited to sarcasm and withering looks. Usually Andy's anger blows over within a short period of time. In fact, as soon as Andy sees tears well up in Rachel's eyes, his anger turns to sadness and guilt. He realizes he has been mean, and he tries to make it up to her. For her part, Rachel says she understands, although she actually doesn't, and she usually has some form of passive-agressive feedback that will quickly reignite Andy's fury.
.
 Andy and Rachel have been playing our versions of this scenario since the days when they shared a playpen. Why don't they ever let it go and develop more evolved and mature ways of working things through? The bigger question, of course, is: Why can't any of us ever let go of our need to "win," or "be right," or just "show up the other guy?" Too often we would rather be right than happy and in harmony. The cost of this kind of clinging can be immense.

.
Exerpted from Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be, by Lama Surya Das

With love to my blogger friends

No comments :

Post a Comment

AYÚDEME PROSPERAR, IGUAL QUE TÚ

AYÚDEME PROSPERAR, IGUAL QUE TÚ
HELP ME PROSPER, JUST LIKE YOU