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Saturday, 1 August 2015

An empath and a narcissist walk into a bar.

An empath and a narcissist walk into a bar.
October 11, 2012 · by Lorna Tedder · in Empathy

Hi dear friends and followers. Today I would like to share with you the fourth instalment empaths energetic connections. Thank you for visiting my blog and for reading this entry
The text in orange are my comments.

Sounds like a bad joke, right? But wherever there are empaths, there seem to be narcissists. And wherever there are narcissists, there seem to be empaths. The popularity of an off-the-cuff article I wrote two years ago,The Relationship between Empaths and Narcissists, is proof of the vein I’ve tapped.

I had no idea at the time that there were so many websites devoted to fighting narcissism, or worse–learning to live with it because you’re married to it, or you have a parent who’s a narcissist, or a child, or a boss.

Some readers have asked me if I think that narcissism and empathy are two sides of one coin. My initial reaction was to balk.

Note: Opposite sides of the same coin. Like positive and negative charges attracting one another. Don't forget, an empath is a die hard optimist, not wanting to look at the dark side, only wanting to indulge in the exciting pleasure of something different and new, not finding out until later that the difference just is not a match for their true personality. Actually turning out quite the opposite of their own expectations.
“Why do you think that?” I asked.

The reader went on to say that she really couldn’t tell the difference, based on what she’d read. Were narcissists really just empaths in disguise? After all, in her experience, narcissists knew exactly what she was feeling and tended to change themselves into who she wanted them to be in order to sucker her in.

I can speak only from my personal experience and from what I’ve observed in three decades of adulthood, but I think the reader might have been right. About narcissists and empaths being two sides to one coin, that is. Not that narcissists really are empaths.

An Empath Feels Emotions of Others but May Not Know the Reason

You see, here’s how it works for me as an empath. I can feel other people’s emotions and I can feel their pain. It’s frustrating at times because while I can feel their emotions, I don’t always know the reason for them. I may feel a boyfriend’s underlying turbulence, even though is he smiling and cordial to everyone and they all think he’s happy. I don’t see below his surface but I do feel it. As for the reason for his distress, I might assume it’s an argument we had yesterday or that he thinks I’m not spending enough time with him because of a work project or that he’s stewing about something that happened at his office last week.

If our communication is clear enough and he’s gotten over his fears of my empathy and understands how these hidden emotions that others don’t see can cause me to go off-kilter with worry, then instead of telling me nothing’s wrong, he’ll be honest and tell me that he’s annoyed with a mechanical problem on his car and he didn’t want to concern me with it.
Both Empaths and Narcissists Are Aware of Emotions but Respond Differently
Note: They do feel anothers feelings only to use them to their benefit, like a musician with a well tuned musical instrument.

I’m very aware of the moods and emotions of others. That’s what an empath is–aware–but at the same time, the narcissists in my life have also been aware of my moods and emotions. It may not have seemed like it because frequently they elected to ignore my distress unless it was to their benefit.
The Third Person in Every Relationship

I’ve read that there are three people in any couple’s relationship: the first person, the second person, and the relationship itself as a separate entity. In astrology, which is a hobby of mine, a birth chart is cast for each of the individuals in the relationship. Their two charts, one imposed over the other, is used to evaluate the relationship synastry, but another chart is often cast. It’s a type of composite known as the Davidson Relationship Chart, that looks at the relationship as a separate entity.

Note: There is also what I call the third person scenario, like the imaginary friends I had as a child. Consulting my imaginary friend like she were a confidant. I am happy to say that today I have a true confidant, someone I can truly trust to tell my innermost secretes to. Things I though should never be told to another, or trustworthy enough to tell those innermost thoughts too.

So I had this imaginary friend so that when I was troubled over something I would go cruise around town in the car or go for a walk and have an in depth discussion with this imaginary friend

As an empath, I’ve been extremely aware of how relationships are separate entities. When in a relationship, I understand what a–let’s say a man in this case–what a man is feeling and how he rationalizes his actions, even very bad behavior, to enough of a point of understanding that I can lose myself in it and allow myself to be abused.

To touch on tomorrow's posting

The Empath Takes on the Qualities of the Other Person in the Relationship
Note: Yes this is possible, play acting the other person's personality hoping that this behaviour will be more acceptably by the other person involved. It doesn't work, and if you play act it for to long you may inherit those qualities where it will take some working on to get rid of them later on. Sometimes some aspects of those qualities may take years to completely eradicate.

As a result, I’m very, very, VERY picky about the romantic relationships as well as platonic friendships I bring into my life. There are facets of the other person that will connect with facets of myself that may have seemed dormant or recessive until that connection is made. I believe this is true of everyone, not just empaths. But as an empath, I am especially aware of it. If I am with a man who displays reckless tendencies and that is a part of his personality both in and out of my relationship with him, then I will tend to become more reckless, not just in the relationship but as a part of my individual personality.

Note: Although this could be fun for a time, it could also lead you to some serious altercations with other future relationships, friends and family as well. 
If I make a new friend who is a spendthrift, then the closer we become, the more likely I am to do foolish things with my own money, especially in her presence where I can sense the “oh, who cares because I deserve nice things” mindset.
Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

ڰۣIn Loving Light from the Fairy Ladyڰۣ

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