An empath and a narcissist walk into a bar.

An empath and a narcissist walk into a bar.
October 11, 2012 · by Lorna Tedder · in Empathy

Hi dear friends and followers. Today I would like to share with you the fourth instalment empaths energetic connections. Thank you for visiting my blog and for reading this entry
The text in orange are my comments.

Sounds like a bad joke, right? But wherever there are empaths, there seem to be narcissists. And wherever there are narcissists, there seem to be empaths. The popularity of an off-the-cuff article I wrote two years ago,The Relationship between Empaths and Narcissists, is proof of the vein I’ve tapped.

I had no idea at the time that there were so many websites devoted to fighting narcissism, or worse–learning to live with it because you’re married to it, or you have a parent who’s a narcissist, or a child, or a boss.

Some readers have asked me if I think that narcissism and empathy are two sides of one coin. My initial reaction was to balk.

Note: Opposite sides of the same coin. Like positive and negative charges attracting one another. Don't forget, an empath is a die hard optimist, not wanting to look at the dark side, only wanting to indulge in the exciting pleasure of something different and new, not finding out until later that the difference just is not a match for their true personality. Actually turning out quite the opposite of their own expectations.
“Why do you think that?” I asked.

The reader went on to say that she really couldn’t tell the difference, based on what she’d read. Were narcissists really just empaths in disguise? After all, in her experience, narcissists knew exactly what she was feeling and tended to change themselves into who she wanted them to be in order to sucker her in.

I can speak only from my personal experience and from what I’ve observed in three decades of adulthood, but I think the reader might have been right. About narcissists and empaths being two sides to one coin, that is. Not that narcissists really are empaths.

An Empath Feels Emotions of Others but May Not Know the Reason

You see, here’s how it works for me as an empath. I can feel other people’s emotions and I can feel their pain. It’s frustrating at times because while I can feel their emotions, I don’t always know the reason for them. I may feel a boyfriend’s underlying turbulence, even though is he smiling and cordial to everyone and they all think he’s happy. I don’t see below his surface but I do feel it. As for the reason for his distress, I might assume it’s an argument we had yesterday or that he thinks I’m not spending enough time with him because of a work project or that he’s stewing about something that happened at his office last week.

If our communication is clear enough and he’s gotten over his fears of my empathy and understands how these hidden emotions that others don’t see can cause me to go off-kilter with worry, then instead of telling me nothing’s wrong, he’ll be honest and tell me that he’s annoyed with a mechanical problem on his car and he didn’t want to concern me with it.
Both Empaths and Narcissists Are Aware of Emotions but Respond DifferentlyNote: They do feel anothers feelings only to use them to their benefit, like a musician with a well tuned musical instrument.

I’m very aware of the moods and emotions of others. That’s what an empath is–aware–but at the same time, the narcissists in my life have also been aware of my moods and emotions. It may not have seemed like it because frequently they elected to ignore my distress unless it was to their benefit.
The Third Person in Every Relationship

I’ve read that there are three people in any couple’s relationship: the first person, the second person, and the relationship itself as a separate entity. In astrology, which is a hobby of mine, a birth chart is cast for each of the individuals in the relationship. Their two charts, one imposed over the other, is used to evaluate the relationship synastry, but another chart is often cast. It’s a type of composite known as the Davidson Relationship Chart, that looks at the relationship as a separate entity.

Note: There is also what I call the third person scenario, like the imaginary friends I had as a child. Consulting my imaginary friend like she were a confidant. I am happy to say that today I have a true confidant, someone I can truly trust to tell my innermost secretes to. Things I though should never be told to another, or trustworthy enough to tell those innermost thoughts too.

So I had this imaginary friend so that when I was troubled over something I would go cruise around town in the car or go for a walk and have an in depth discussion with this imaginary friend

As an empath, I’ve been extremely aware of how relationships are separate entities. When in a relationship, I understand what a–let’s say a man in this case–what a man is feeling and how he rationalizes his actions, even very bad behavior, to enough of a point of understanding that I can lose myself in it and allow myself to be abused.

To touch on tomorrow's posting

The Empath Takes on the Qualities of the Other Person in the Relationship
Note: Yes this is possible, play acting the other person's personality hoping that this behaviour will be more acceptably by the other person involved. It doesn't work, and if you play act it for to long you may inherit those qualities where it will take some working on to get rid of them later on. Sometimes some aspects of those qualities may take years to completely eradicate.

As a result, I’m very, very, VERY picky about the romantic relationships as well as platonic friendships I bring into my life. There are facets of the other person that will connect with facets of myself that may have seemed dormant or recessive until that connection is made. I believe this is true of everyone, not just empaths. But as an empath, I am especially aware of it. If I am with a man who displays reckless tendencies and that is a part of his personality both in and out of my relationship with him, then I will tend to become more reckless, not just in the relationship but as a part of my individual personality.

Note: Although this could be fun for a time, it could also lead you to some serious altercations with other future relationships, friends and family as well. 
If I make a new friend who is a spendthrift, then the closer we become, the more likely I am to do foolish things with my own money, especially in her presence where I can sense the “oh, who cares because I deserve nice things” mindset.

Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

✿ ڰۣ❤In Loving Light from the Fairy Lady❤ڰۣ✿

The Empath as a Human Antenna

The Empath as a Human Antenna
June 2, 2014 · by Lorna Tedder · in Empathy, Energy

Hi dear friends and followers. Today we take a look at the empathic phenomena of the psychic human antenna. Enjoy reading this article. The comments (in orange) are mine. 

Hi, I’m Lorna, and I’m a Human Antenna. Okay, an empath, to be exact. And I scare the crap out of people if I’m open and honest about my “super powers,” aka my blessing and my curse. Friends are wary. Potential mates run away. I’m stuck between being alone more than I’d like or being disingenuous with the people who are or who may become the most important people in my life.

Note: Disingenuous now there is a good word. It is like hiding behind another identity to impress someone because you fear if they know the real you, you will get dumped faster then garbage from a garbage truck at the dump. 

I didn’t realize how scary I could be until I had a brief fling with a fellow empath, and no matter how well I’d shielded my emotions from others, he could read every nuance. I made no secret of my feelings for him, but I did have a few other secrets that no one knew, and he felt them and parroted them back to me on a long walk by a lake that I recall in such vivid detail that I remember the glitch in my gait when he confessed to me what he was and what he felt from behind my shields. He knew my best hidden weakness, something no one else knew, and I’d been with him for no more than two weeks.

Note: I have experienced this with other people, to reach in and touch their soul emotoinally, but never have I tried to penetrate their innermost thoughts or secrets. Just feeling their emotions, was always sufficient for me to cross a bridge with them 

“Is that what I do to people?” I wondered aloud. The answer, of course, is Yes. I either know too much about the people in my life or I go too far in the opposite direction and distance myself to avoid it. The sooner I’m honest with people about my abilities, the sooner they disappear from my life. There are really few people who can fathom being around someone who sees them at their core. People may say they have nothing to hide but it’s just not true. We all do. We live in a culture of both reality TV and Facebook where everything is splayed on the screen–and of deep secrets and insecurities no one wants exposed.

Note: In my earlier years I made the same error in reflecting back their innerselves along with other things they didn't find desirably for someone else to know about. The negative results from these kind of bondings or socialising were just not worth it. It is preferably to do it in a subtle way. 

I don’t mean to know things and feel things–it’s just who I am. And I’m like a growing number of others who are just now realizing their empathic abilities or always thought they were crazy and now have a name for it.

Note: Yes and the word weird is is still alive and well.
Being an empath, especially a high-level empath as I am, is much like being a Human Antenna.

The first time I heard that expression was almost 10 years ago, a few months before I realized–through my association with an energy worker and help with her clients–that I was an empath and could feel other people’s emotions, sometimes to ill effect when I started seeing my own life through the emotions of someone mentally ill or depressed. I’ve learned to separate out my emotions from other people’s now, but I’m still not as fast at it as I’d like and my life can be going serenely and beautifully when I get hit by someone else’s emotional viewpoint and have to extract myself.

Note: Bingo, the reaction could not have less of an impact then it you were kicked in the butt with a frozen army boot

The first time I was called a Human Antennae was when working with shaman and author Kelley Harrell on a personal issue, long distance, following my divorce. She had found that broken part of me and had guides take me “below” for healing. When I emerged, whole, I was in the form of a giant dragonfly covered in multi-colored jewels and antennae. It was during that time that I realized that I had what seemed to be a net incorporated into my etheric body so that I could pick up the energy signals of other people, even places where other people had been and left an energetic residue.

Note: I have had a similar experience except mine was a being of glowing pale blue light instead of the dragonflies. One time one of these beings appeared as an oval of pale blue light with all the diamonds and sparkles, like stars in space in the inner part of the pale blue oval being

I’ve been able to push the net out a few feet from my body over time, so that it feels as though I’m in the middle of a dome, or half a sphere, and an intricate antenna is wired into the dome, like a radio antenna in a car windshield. This shield or dome can be reinforced to protect me from random energy of other people, particularly if I’m in an airport, mall, Walmart on Christmas Eve, hospital, near a prison facility, or visiting battlefields like Gettysburg.

On this dome laced with an antenna net, there are lights, like beacons. These are people who are special to me or with whom I have some kind of bond. That doesn’t mean that I even have good feelings about some of these people, but just that they’re bonded to me somehow. These are easily family members, friends, some coworkers, occasionally old lovers, and members of my spiritual circle. 

 They show up as beacons because I’ve had some involvement with their energy and I recognize their energy signatures. Most of them, I know from meeting in person, but occasionally one will show up that I’ve never met except online. That’s happened with only a handful of people. (And yes, I can read energy in the pixels on a screen because, oddly enough, emotional energy can be captured in the words a person types in a blog or on Facebook or in an IM or email. I can know exactly the emotion behind a message before I read the first word of it. Scared now?)

Note: I have had very similar experience with online friends, after you have known them for a time they become a friend as as real as anyone I know in the physical world. Actually some of them even more so. Some become like family, and when you loose one, it hurts just as much as loosing a family member in the physical world. Feelings do transmit over the internet as clearly as any image one might post 

It doesn’t matter how far away the person is: their beacon still shines. Some are weaker than others. Their beacon flickers and fades in and out, not because of a lack of bond with them but because of the strength of their energy and the energy they “broadcast.”

That’s right. Broadcast. We all broadcast our energy, including not so great things in our energy that we don’t want seen. The empath need never reach out to anyone through broadcasting or transmitting in order to feel another’s energy. The empath is the antenna, the receiver. Sometimes, one of those beacons will light up with a fury and I’ll feel the dread or anxiety a dear one is going through. I’m completely passive in how I experience this. There is no action on my part except to be open to it.

Note: If distance is a factor there are times where nothing more can be done, contacting them might cause more of a disturbance then good. Usually you're intuition will tell you if it's the right time to place a long distance call. But otherwise remaining passive, and open might be the best you can do, and of course, send prayers. 

If I do want to know if a dear one is okay? I actually don’t do this actively. My net is sensitive enough that I don’t have to monitor it all the time…or any of the time. If a dear one is having a difficult time, the net alerts me. Whether I’m asleep, at work, on a date, at a movie. It’s the same as sitting in my house at my desk with my windows open and someone on a bike rides by outside with a radio blaring. I’m gonna hear.

On the rare occasion where I might want to check on someone, all I have to do is make sure my receiver is tuned to their frequency, for lack of a better word. If they’re broadcasting, I’ll pick it up. Most people, however, don’t broadcast energy in a way to alert me unless they are having a serious emotional blip. Joy and happiness don’t come through in the same attention-getting way that fear and upset do.

Note: I can feel joy, happiness, love, acceptance and appreciation just as well as the negatives, if I had not been able to I would not have done so well during all the years I worked as a social worker. Even to just bring a smile to someone's face is priceless.

Can I turn off my antenna? Not really. I can thicken my shields. I can mute it enough that the signal is quieter. With people who no longer matter, I can mute them to a point where I cannot feel them, except maybe on really upsetting occasions when they’re broadcasting on all channels. That rarely happens with people who don’t matter to me, though.

Note: It is when a good close friend you have known for some time who just decides they do not want to be part of your life anymore, without any given apparent reasons, this can hurt very deeply shields or not. You are left with many pieces of a jigsaw puzzle you will be trying to piece together for some time before it fades away.

Strangers do show up in the net, usually if I’m in close proximity or if they try to invade my energy. In the case of psychic spies, it feels like someone trying to tear open my net to see inside, and my own energy–if the net is left open–drains out. I can usually sew up the net quickly and shut them out, but better to electrify it instead.

The net is both a blessing and a curse, as much as the sense of touch is a blessing and a curse. The light pressure of a kiss between the eyes is sweet. A burn on the hand or a cut on the foot? Pain. The more frequently I notice the net, the more sensitive it becomes. It’s far easier for me to keep people out who are trying to invade my energy than it is to keep out signals that are broadcast on a strong frequency.

One last thing, my own dirty little secret: we empaths broadcast, too. We not only are receivers to pick up the signals of others, but we broadcast our own energy and emotions, too. There are places where I try to hide that, particularly in the work arena, but for the most part, I wear my emotions on my sleeve. If someone’s in my heart, they know. No doubts. No questions. If I’m happy, which I generally am, it’s known. 

When I’m upset, it’s known. It’s only when I have my shields up that people can’t read me and I’ll be angry or hurt and no one has any idea because they see me as just as firm and strong in my identity as just the same. It’s not obvious that I’m angry, so I’ll have to SAY that I’m angry before they realize it, and then they don’t see it because I’ve shielded it that well. I don’t like living with shields up, especially with people I love, but sometimes, especially in the work world or with close family, I don’t feel I have a satisfactory choice. My shields can keep out signals from others…or they can hold my own signals inside my dome.

Note: I generally do not get angry very often except for trivial things, like making errors, or loosing something. When I do get angry, I react the other way around to the above statement. I do not realise I am angry, or should I say, how angry I am.  

Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

✿ ڰۣ❤In Loving Light from the Fairy Lady❤ڰۣ✿

What Energetic Connections Feel Like to an Empath

What Energetic Connections Feel Like to an Empath

Hi, my dear friends and followers, thank you for visiting my blog. Today I would like to invite you to read part 2 of Empath Energy Connections. 

May 6, 2014 · by Lorna Tedder · in Empathy, Energy
A solid 95% of the people I interact with in my daily life have no idea that I’m an empath or even that I have an esoteric blog. Of those who are open to the fact that I have strong gifts of intuition and empathy, they still do not understand exactly what a high level empath is and often ask me exactly how I experience energetic connections.
Energy Signatures

Every person has what I call an “energy signature.” If you feel comfortable only with the first five senses, then it would make perfect sense for me to say to you that every person has a particular smell, or odor, that is unique to them. You smell it when you visit their homes or when you give them a hug. After you’re in their presence for a little while, you no longer smell it. You’ve gotten used to it. Just as you can’t sense your own smell because it’s with you all the time…unless you’ve been working extra hard.

It’s that way with energy. Everyone has an energetic signature. It is their life force. It envelops the body they occupy, and after death, it can be felt around the grave where that body lies, on their possessions that they loved, and sometimes around the entire area where they died, particularly if there was great fear or anger in their last moments because energy and passion are closely connected.

I’ve felt vomit-inducing energetic signatures at the Alamo and especially at the Gettysburg battlefield, which is supposedly one of the worst places an empath can visit. I walked through the museum, looking at those old eyeglasses, watches, photos that were so beloved and on the body at the time of a fearful death and the vibrations seemed to jump out at me. I left doubled over and sick to my stomach. A few years later, I took my daughter there with the intent of staying all day for the benefit of her education, but she had the same sick to her stomach reaction.

Note: I have visited such places as mentioned above, I felt pretty much the same as is described above. But it did not affect me in any physical way like the sickness to the stomach. It did disturb me much emotionally, so that it makes it difficult for me visit such places, especially when I think of those poor people who went there with good intentions and with honor to defend their country and  their people. In my opinion, it should have been the disputing leaders who should have gone out in the field to fight instead.

 

To a lesser extent, I pick up on the energies of hospitals, airports, and malls at Christmastime. Occasionally after a storm or natural disaster, the emotions of others becomes unbearable. The more ungrounded I am, the more sensitive I am to energies and energetic connections.
Energetic Connections

An energetic connection is simply a bond or link between two people, even people who have never met in the flesh. Once that link is established, it is not easily broken. except through a mentor or healer.

The most easily understood energetic connection is the empathic link or bond between mother and child. I distinctly remember my newborn infant having blood drawn from her tiny heel for a Bilirubin test. I felt her pain in my teeth and in every bone in my body before she could even scrunch her tiny face and wail. I’ve known plenty of low-level empaths who’ve known without a doubt that their child was hurt or that there was “something wrong.” And I have known high-level empaths like myself who have felt the pain of a loved one being attacked in the same areas of the body where their loved one had been beaten, blow for blow, even though it was days later before they found out about the attack in a distant city.

These are, by and large, passive energetic connections. For those I had been linked with, I feel their energetic connections in different ways. I may have that raw feeling that something is horribly wrong. With that raw feeling, I may sense the energetic signature of a specific person and call that person, only to be told that “Oh, no, everything’s fine!” Then later–days, weeks, even months later–I find out what really happened that day. My closest family and friends understand when I put out a call that says, “Okay, report in! I’ve got a bad feeling!” Those are times when I can’t tell exactly who’s in trouble or hurt. Although I can also feel intense joy in others, I usually note anger, fear, dread, depression, jealousy over the lighter emotions just as I might be more attuned to someone screaming for help or cursing loudly then the gentle peal of laughter or a whisper.

Note: This is describing again what I call my little voice. Knowing or feeling something that is not right, and even knowing who the person is, that the not right is taking place. But being unable to do anything to prevent or right what isn't right, and this can be weeks even months before it occurs. Sometimes this causes great emotional pain because of the inability to repair or right the wrong before it happens. Empaths loath causing unnecessary or unavoidable pain or inability in preventing it

I’m usually linked to other people through one of two ways when it is an energetic link that is to be maintained effortlessly. Most of the time, the link is established through strong emotion–that emotion usually being great love–but I have had a strong connection lasting around a year or two with a fellow empath I had bonded with–and the jealous young occultist he was engaged to but had lied about to me. Jealousy can indeed be as strong an empathic bond as love, but thankfully this one did not last and I was able to break it easily when I finally broke my connection with him for good.

The other way links are formed is through a ritual passing of or sharing of power, such as through a Third Degree Elevation, Reiki attunement, or some other intentional mixing of energies. This link allows two people to know if the other is okay, if the other is hurt and needs help, if the other is truthful or hiding something. That doesn’t mean that one always knows what’s going on in the other’s life. For example, in one such bond I had, I knew the other person was hiding something and that it was a doozy. I just didn’t know what it was. Since I knew about other doozies in his past, I let him convince me that the waves of shame I felt off of him were related to information I already knew. At some level, I knew he wasn’t being truthful, but refused to see it. Heaven help me when I’m dating someone I have an empathic bond with, 
because I will easily know when he’s upset or something’s wrong, long before I get a phone call or a text. The problem is, I won’t know why he’s upset until he tells me. He may be made at me and never want to see me again…or he could be angry over a flat tire on the way to work. It’s stuff like that that drives us empaths crazy!

Note: The paragraph above I totally agree with. The knowing something is wrong, just not knowing why, where and when of the something wrong, sometimes for a considerable amount of time before you find out. An empath is also a die hard

optimistic individual, always hoping for the best, saying this too shall pass and it will get better. We go against our own intuition and end up very disappointed and hurt, if not worse.

With specific people, usually the ones most important to me or who become more important, I can sense the link in certain chakras, or energy centers, in my body. I recall one close friend who was a substance abuser in hiding and was frequently in trouble or near to being found out. Every time he went through one of those episodes, I felt it first in my third chakra. The worse it got, the higher it rose, into my fourth chakra and fifth chakra. This was actually easy to confirm…all I had to do was look at my personal journal and his arrest record to see the correlation.

With a best friend of over a decade, I felt her darker emotions in a particular sector of my heart chakra. The last significant man in my life, I could feel inmy high heart chakra. Sharing an empathic bond in a romantic relationship can be extremely beautiful, loving, and nurturing, but in this case my seeing him at soul-level led him to proclaim that “you see too much” and “you know too much” without even trying.

For those with whom I’ve bonded through ritual, the energetic connections feel different. It’s almost as if they already reside within all my chakras, but when they reach out to me or are thinking focused thoughts about me, I tend to feel it in my arms and/or face. Each one has a different energy signature and a different place, as though one might be cupping my face in his hands or one might be hugging me. I feel those particular sensations as what a shaman friend of mine calls “a cellular burn.” It’s a sensation of heat but without really burning my skin. It’s like a burn at cell level from the inside out, radiating not onto my skin but from underneath my skin, burning upward. It doesn’t hurt and it’s not particularly uncomfortable, but it is enough to get my attention, almost as if someone reached out, put a hand on my shoulder, and shook me. I’ve experienced this bond with a previous Wiccan High Priestess who–though many of us use it to keep loving tabs on our spiritual brothers and sisters–used the bond in such a way that she appeared in dreams as a particular unusual animal.
Non-Bonded Connections

With people I’m not bonded with, I can sense their focused thought on me sometimes but without the energetic connection, they reveal themselves to me in a different way. For these people–and I’ve always been able to verify it later–it is as if they are a translucent shadow standing in front of me, usually about 3 feet in front of me. Sometimes a little to one side. The first time this happened was in 2007 after I’d casually dated a man for a few months. Although he was initially fascinated with my spirituality, he was unhappy that I was not a good Catholic girl. We had no spiritual connection even though we tried to make it work. We weren’t bonded and weren’t bonding, even I had an enjoyable time with him and loved the poetry he wrote me. He, however, disappeared for three days and, while the fate of our future hung in the balance and he gave thought to whether we should see each other again, everywhere I looked for those three days, I saw him in front of me in shadow. Solemn, focused on me, almost as if I had put on a pair of glasses with a smudge on one lens.

With those I’ve bonded with ritually, intentionally, I can tell from the sensation of the energetic connection when they are particularly focused on me, and I often find comfort in it, to know that my well-being floats through the minds of other people with whom I’ve shared myself and my secrets.

Most of the time, though, I feel the connection and within a few minutes or even seconds, my phone will ring or my instant messenger will chime, and I’ll know instantly who it is. It’s probably been pretty stupid of me to tell certain people that I know when they’re thinking about me. If they can feel me thinking about them in the same way, then I suppose I’d be a bit unnerved as well. Imagine that kind of world where your thoughts and emotions are not policed, but are free range and the subject of them is easily aware of how you really experience them. That might make for a much more honest world, don’t you think?

Note: I have learned long ago now that it is pointless to tell others something you already know about in advance that is going to take place. All that accomplishes is to estrange them from you. Unless the person you are confiding with is another empath or another person who is knowledgeable about the idiosyncrasies of an empath.

Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day.

✿ ڰۣ❤In Loving Light from the Fairy Lady❤ڰۣ✿

The Relationship between Empaths and Narcissists

The Relationship between Empaths and Narcissists

August 22, 2010 · by Lorna Tedder · in **Most Popular**, Empathy

Hi my dear friends and followers. Today we take a more in depth look at the life experience and characteristics of an empath. Thank you for visiting my blog and enjoy reading the entry

For some reason, empaths and narcissists have become hot keyword searches for this website, no doubt because I’ve so often talked about my dealings with empaths (the real kind that feel others’ feelings) and narcissists (the real ones who’ve been diagnosed by a professional, not people who are thinking of themselves and not you). If that’s what brought you to this post today, then perhaps I can shed some light on the two and their differences, based on my own experiences and observations. And yes,my experiences and observations–because anything else would be hearsay or someone else’s experience.

Real empaths feel too much. Real narcissists don’t seem to feel anything, or at least not in regard to others’ feelings. Showing your vulnerable side to a narcissist in an attempt to explain how his or her behavior might be hurtful will just invite more abuse, whether they’re in a relationship with you or you just happen to be the latest fixation of the narcissist who’s trying to make his or her own deep personal pain go away. Narcissists–at least the ones I’ve had experiences with–have a deep self-loathing. 

Note, This was in my day, before the word "empath" became a popular word.  Such behavior was called selfishness.  But even though narcissists may be,  and possibly are selfish to a greater degree, I must admit that an empath is also quite capable being so as well. We are that way every time we try to avoid the consequences or obligations of decision-making. We tend to try to hide away from such responsibilities. To be in hiding is avoiding responsibility because you are avoiding the feelings that go with it.Well of course, this speaking for myself.

That might seem incongruous with their arrogant me-me-me-me-me-me-me attitude on display, but they have a tremendous sense of unworthiness that causes them to lash out at others in an attempt to increase their self-esteem. The ones I’ve known personally have an unfathomably deep sense of shame about something in their lives, usually in early childhood. I don’t know if it’s true of all narcissists, but the ones in my observation have abandonment issues with at least one parent, all stemming from something that happened when they were pre-schoolers, and have ensured they never get close enough to anyone again to feel abandoned.

Note; Negative output from peers as you grow up will also affect your outlook on life. It took me many years to learn to live life under life's terms and not under those of another who is just as fallible as you are in their learning. That doesn't mean to shut everyone off, as I once did, but to listen, and listen carefully for we all hold pieces of the jigsaw puzzle called life.

Whereas the narcissist doesn’t connect well or much with others, the empath connects too much. The empath literally feels what someone else feels, whether it’s strong emotion or physical pain. I know because I am one, and I’ve made friends with other empaths over the years because it’s helped me deal with my difficulties. I have frequently felt a heavy pain in my chest when someone was near– and by now I can tell the difference (most of the time) between someone else’s physical pain and my own–only to find out that the person was having heart trouble. I’ve felt the inner anxiety of a person, the hidden stresses behind the smile, the anger no one else could see right before someone lashed out or became violent. I can explain it in several ways but if you don’t believe that one person’s feelings can be perceived by another, then no amount of scientific, psychological, or spiritual explanation will convince you. All I can tell you is what I’ve experienced myself, and it’s both a blessing and a curse.

Being an empath is at its most incredible when you’re in a loving, bonded relationship and giddy with the newness of discovering each other. It’s at its worst when you let your own feelings be overshadowed by someone else’s, particularly when those feelings are loaded with anxiety or grief. It’s for these reasons that I save myself the agony of hanging out around airports and medical facilities–too much intense negative emotion by others leaves me feeling…rubbed raw. But even worse for an empath is being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Note, this is one of the reasons I have not ever been able to live in or near a city environment for any length of time 

Even driving through one I can pick up on the feelings, like waves on an ocean. Now I am back in my hometown, a small town I have named as Sleepy eye. The real name is Midland but I like mine better, and the people don't seem to mind. 

Non-narcissists on a negative or depressed binge are bad enough but the diagnosed narcissist bonded with a feeling, sensitive empath? Hell for the empath. The empath, for example, may be looking forward to celebrating their first anniversary. She wants to go out for a picnic dinner at sunset. She’s exhausted after being cooped up with a sick baby for the past week but the grandparents are babysitting, the picnic basket is packed, she’s put on her prettiest dress, and she’s so happy and excited as she waits for her husband to come through the door after work. He’s been promising her this outing for the past month, and she can’t wait. Then hubby walks in and plops down in front of the TV to watch the news. He’s sullen, unhappy. 

He tells her he doesn’t want to go out for the picnic. He’ll just eat the sandwiches while he watches TV. He tells her he’s tired. She knows. She can feel how tired he is because she’s an empath who feels physical feelings of others. He tells her his work day was long and disappointing. She knows it was disappointing–she can feel his inner despair–because she’s an empath who can feel emotional feelings of others. After eating his share of their anniversary meal in front of the TV, he announces that he’ll cheer himself up by going to his best friend’s house for the next couple of hours. She’s hurt by his behavior, yes. Perhaps she’s angry–but that will probably come later. Right now, in his presence, she feels what he does and it all makes perfect sense that he go to his friend’s to feel better. It makes perfect sense that he doesn’t want to celebrate with her because he’s tired or in a bad mood. She can see the event so vividly from his point of view that it overpowers her own wishes for herself.

Note, I have lived in an abusive relationship for several years and I can very much attest to what has been shared here about a narcissistic and empath relationship. After a time of being exposed to a negative atmosphere you begin to believe everything that is being said and felt. You are told often enough you are useless, that you come to truly believe you are useless
I’ve noted that many empath-narcissist relationships echo codependent-abuser relationships. (That’s not to say that all empaths are abused or that all codependents are abused, etc,etc.) I cannot think of a single empath I know personally who isn’t or didn’t used to be codependent–in other words, a people-pleaser/self-sacrificer/martyr. I’m a recovering codependent and I must stay very conscious of doing things for myself and taking care of myself or else I’ll give up everything I want to make someone else happy. I’m more me-focused now that I’ve ever been and happier than I’ve ever been because I’m no longer putting everyone else ahead of me to the point of self-annihilation, but it’s hard for me to do. It’s not that I want to control people as many codependents do, but I want to control outcomes. I want everyone to be happy and fulfilled, even if that means I have to give up what I want again and again.

One of the most gifted (0r most cursed) empaths I know is in a relationship with a female narcissist. When he is away from her, such as at his job or on a business trip, his true personality comes out. He’s a gentle, happy person who spends his time making others feel good, too, or talking them through difficult times. When he goes home to her, he becomes a mirror to what she wants. I’ve seen him become irrational whenever she’s been in one of her irrational snits, to the point of sounding as if he’s channelling her. It becomes her words, her emotions pouring out of his mouth. If she feels insecure or angry or no matter how abusive she is toward him, he immediately understands and sees himself in the way she does. 

I’ve asked him how he can flip-flop between being so calm and collected with us and then seem “possessed” by her when she’s around, and he explains it that when she thinks he’s a horrible person and really feels that he is, then he does, too, because he can feel her feelings that he’s a horrible person. Her feelings may not make sense but when she’s in them–or when he’s in them–they make perfect sense to the two of them. Like many empaths, he meshes with the personalities of the people he’s with and becomes like them, losing himself in someone else’s emotions. 

When he’s with her, he sees her, the world, himself, everything from her point of view…and as an abuser, she makes sure she’s with him as much as possible so he doesn’t get any time away from her to sort through his own feelings. I’ve seen this stay-within-my-presence-so-I-can-remind-you-how-great-I-am behavior from most narcissists in relationships, though it’s not necessarily a sign of narcissism but more one of insecurity. If the empath can be controlled by being in a narcissist’s presence and the narcissist can feed off the empath’s understanding and devotion, then the relationship becomes very sick very quickly.

Both empaths and narcissists have a big problem with boundaries. The narcissist has never met a boundary he/she didn’t cross and the empath has no idea what a boundary is. Narcissists tend to be exciting, dynamic, charismatic people and it’s wonderful to be around them–initially. But the relationships they form are shallow connections and they’ll move on to the next person who’ll make them feel good without much more than a second thought such as one narcissist I know who goes from marriage to marriage to marriage and leaves just before the thrill dulls. They’ll do things to others that are criminal (the one guy who arranged to have his wife gangbanged) if there’s a thrill in it. They’ll run away (literally or figuratively) if the connection verges on becoming too emotional or too risky of showing their deepest vulnerability. They’ll breach polite etiquette (the dinner guest who went through my things and donned my sexiest underwear in front of other guests, family, and me).

For narcissists, if you set a boundary, they will try to cross it. I’ve been stalked by narcissists and they need to have attention on them, constantly, and will cross the boundaries from creeping to harassing just to remind you they’re still there. I’ve told narcissistic men not to pursue me because I wanted absolutely nothing to do with them ever again because of their past mistreatment–and wow, what a challenge it’s become to get and keep my attention then!

For empaths, setting boundaries is the only way to live with the curse of feeling what others feel and getting lost in others’ points of view. The only way to stay grounded and true to your own personality, your own needs and wants, your own dreams is to learn to set boundaries and not let others cross them.

Here are a few things that have helped me as an empath:

1. I hang out with positive people and people whose attitudes are more similar to mine when I’m alone. I stay far away from negative people and drama queens, if I can.

2. I don’t make instant decisions after a persuasive argument from someone else. Too easy for me to say yes immediately because I can so understand their point of view and excited feelings toward a subject without being sure that those are my feelings, too. If I decide based on someone else’s excitement, I tend to regret it.

3. If I’m inclined to make a quick decision, I stop to ask myself if this is in-line with my wants, needs, dreams, personality. If I get a hell-yes from inside with no tiny niggling doubt, then it’s usually a good quick decision. If I’m overwhelmed by the feeling to say yes but something inside is contradictory in any way, then I’m likely being swayed by someone else’s enthusiasm and not my own. This is such a matter of boundaries!

4. If I find myself becoming lost in someone else’s feelings, I spend a day or two away from that person. If that person has a problem with my being out of their influence for a day or two, then it’s even more important for me to take a little break and re-assess my own feelings.

5. If I’m dating someone who has had many, many, superficial relationships and is over 40, I take an emotional step away.

6. Once I realize someone fits the pattern of Narcissistic Personality Disorder–or outright tells me he’s been diagnosed!–I stay the hell away.

7. If I start to feel depression or despair when things are going well for me, I stop and ask myself where it’s coming from. The day I realized I was an empath was after a horrible experience where I took on the feelings of a suicidal woman I was helping–and suddenly realized that my deep despair and even the way I phrased my despair was out of character. I know that my true self is serene and calm, so when I become emotionally turbulent, I always (now) look at what’s going on in my life. If I’ve just been through a breakup or a medical scare, then yes, those turbulent feelings are probably my own. If life is great for me but I’ve just had a chat with a colleague who is distraught over her son and now I’m depressed, then that turbulence is usually something I’ve brought home with me from having a close connection with my colleague. Once I can distinquish my own feelings from the feelings of others, I can break the connection…if I want. Sometimes, if the feelings are very strong, I don’t realize at first that they’re not mine. That may sound strange to the non-empath, but being able to tell the difference and know that boundary is crucial to an empath’s happiness.

8. I never apologize for my own emotions. They are my best guide to living the life I want, but I must be aware of the difference between my emotions and someone else’s I’m bonded with. If I am feeling good, feeling at ease, feeling happy, then my life is on-track.

Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

✿ ڰۣ❤In Loving Light from the Fairy Lady❤ڰۣ✿

Empaths: The Extra-Sensitive People

Empaths: The Extra-Sensitive People

Hi to my dearest friends and followers.
This essay explains very well the nature of an empath of which is who I am. I have mentioned the nature of an empath before but have not gone into depth about the topic. I hope you enjoy reading this essay.

Written by Tyler J. Hebert

An empath is a person that is hypersensitive to the emotions and energy of other people, as well as animals. They have the ability to feel physically the emotions of a person/animal standing within their auric field. Empaths have a sense of “knowing” and accurate intuition.

They are the people who feel their way through life. Being born highly sensitive and with the ability of empathy to help them, they understand their surroundings on a deeper level than the physical. This ability gives them the opportunity to help people heal through “stepping into the shoes of a person” to gain a better understanding of their situation.

Most empaths are born with a ‘knowing’ that aids them as a form of guidance. They intuitively seem to ‘know’ there is more to a story than what meets the eye. This is why it is very difficult to lie to an empath. They are also attuned to their intuition, as it is a dominant trait, thus allowing them to be more spiritually evolved than most because they are born with a connection to their higher consciousness. They live a life through their soul without the need of development.

Their sensitivity to the emotions and feelings of others permits them to feel every emotion and energy that vibrates in their presence. When someone is angry, an empath will feel the anger throughout their body. The anger feels to them like a speeding train carrying chaos on an unstable track. This is why an empath might sometimes hold in their emotions until they burst. They don’t understand the feeling of anger, nor do they understand the feeling of fear. They are usually happy people whose energy fosters optimism in others, along with feelings of deep thought and self-reflection. They are often brilliant, independent, imaginative, creative and adventurous as children. 

They are frequently the people one “can’t help but love.”Empaths are very understanding of other people and their positions. They don't usually pass judgment on someone without their opinion from an encounter through prior experience as a frame of reference. They will ask questions to gain their perspective on someone or something. When someone justifies something about someone, it means nothing to an empath, because how someone views another person is only one side of the story. This trait can sometimes result in the empathic person being considered as fake, or two-faced, as they have a liking for everyone. They try hard to please others as that is in their fundamental nature.

Television shows, books, videos, movies, and the news can negatively impact the empathic person. Violence, chaos, obscene behavior, emotional dramas and depressing stories depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted people and animals can easily bring an empath to tears. They do not tolerate injustice and speak on behalf of their perception of what is and what should be.

At times, they can act like a psychological “sponge” and unconsciously absorb emotions from others. Sometimes they can feel the emotions of a person who is many miles distant from them and nearby to the empath.

When an empath is undeveloped, they don’t have the knowledge to understand the importance of distinguishing which emotions are theirs and which are absorbed from other people. Often this will leave them to experience different and random levels of emotions and energy. They might experience feelings of being drained, moodiness, depression, anger for no reason that they can name, at the time unsure about life and self-conscious. It’s hard to understand the identity of an empath when they aren’t even able to familiarize themselves with their emotions.This is why it is important for an empath to development their ability to master their gift.

Often they are born with a natural skill for observation. It comes naturally to them to study the body language and tone of voice of people. This is often how they identify them. Their liking for one depends on one’s choice of words, body movement and facial expressions.

Some are born to be innovators and can be writers, singers, musicians and artists of the world, quite often exhibiting a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are diverse and varied. They may be curious about the world's many cultures and religions and view them with a broad-minded perspective.

Empaths are the psychic sponges of the world. They soak up all the psychic and emotional static that other people give off. Being an empath is one of the most common psychic abilities, but it is also the most challenging.

Many empaths go through a suicidal stage because they do not understand their ability and become quiet and withdrawn from their outside world. Some become loners or maybe depressed, neurotic, daydreamers or even narcissistic individuals. When an empath is undeveloped the emotions will overtake their lives. This causes them to become depressed to the point that they lose touch with their feelings by not allowing themselves to feel anything. An empath going through depression may have an influence on the people around them. It can be felt by anyone in the empaths presence. Their gift can cause some to suffer from self-medicated addictions such as drugs, alcohol and often food.

It is common for empaths to put the needs of others before those of their own. By nature they are often selfless, putting the needs of others before their own. Being able to feel openly what is outside of them can cause them to ignore what is inside of them. They are great listeners, which makes them some of the greatest people to talk with. Some are known as the “mother hen” of their family, along with being the psychologist amongst peers.

To classify, there are two basic types of empaths: Emotional and Cognitive

The emotional empath can feel physical the emotions and energy of the other person, as though their emotions were contagious. This kind of empathy makes someone well-attuned to another person’s inner emotional world.

A cognitive empath has a conscious need to put them imaginatively in the place of another. This is done to genuinely understand a person, which requires the consciousness to identify truth with one's immediate perceptions of long-standing thought or belief.

Emotional empaths can be further divided into the subcategories listed below:

Manifesting – Having the ability to create their reality and infuse the reality of others

Intuitive – Able to sense/feel the attitudes/emotions of others.

Healing - The ability to take in the energy of others and transmute it.

Spiritual - Can sense the other person's oneness with their god.

These are the types of Cognitive Empaths that have so far been identified:

Precognitive - The ability to predict a certain outcome and see where paths lead.

Telepathic – Can share houghts and feelings with another, over a distance

Judgement – Readily able to distinguish truth from lies and good from evil.

Seer – Can see where the emotions are coming from, along with the cause.

Some of the more rarely-found empaths are:

Molecular – Capable of blending their aura with the aura of another person.

Animal empath – They can “talk” with animals and understand their needs

Shaman – In-tune with nature; speaks with animals and plant life.

Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

✿ ڰۣ❤In Loving Light from the Fairy Lady❤ڰۣ✿

What is a spiritual experience

What is a spiritual experience

Hi dear friends and followers. Today I am starting a new series on the journey of spiritual discovery. I hope you all enjoy this introductory entry.

1. Definition of an experience and a spiritual experience

The Spiritual Science Research Foundation (SSRF) defines that which is experienced through the medium of the five senses, mind and intellect as an ‘experience’. For example, the experience of eating one’s favourite dish, feeling love for one’s child, resolving a problem at work by using one’s intellect, etc., fall into the category of an ‘experience’. 

Experiencing something which is beyond the comprehension of the five senses, mind and intellect constitutes a ‘spiritual experience’. Even if one can perceive an event through the five senses, mind and intellect but the reason behind it is beyond the gross intellect of mankind, it still constitutes a spiritual experience.

2. Experience versus a spiritual experience and how we perceive it

The SSRF defines the word 'subtle world' or 'subtle dimension' as the world which is beyond the understanding of the five senses, mind and intellect. The subtle world refers to the unseen world of angels, ghosts, heaven, etc. which can only be perceived through our sixth sense.

We experience the gross world through the five senses, mind and intellect. Corresponding to the five senses, mind and intellect that we are well aware of, we also have five subtle senses, a subtle mind and a subtle intellect, which when developed or activated, help us to experience the subtle world or subtle dimension. This experience of the subtle world is known as a ‘spiritual experience’.

In the above picture, we see a lady who smells a bunch of roses and experiences the fragrance of roses. This would constitute an experience as there is a definite source to the fragrance of roses i.e. the bunch of roses. In the other picture, we see a lady sipping her morning coffee, pondering over the start of her working day. All of a sudden and with no apparent cause, she gets a strong fragrance of sandalwood. 

She initially dismisses it, as she cannot see where it’s coming from and goes on to drink her coffee. However the fragrance follows her to her work place and lingers with her throughout the morning. She asks other people around if they can get the fragrance but no one does. This would constitute a spiritual experience. In this case, the lady actually perceived a fragrance emanating from the subtle dimension and experienced the fragrance through the medium of her subtle sense organ of smell.

Quite a number of us may have had an experience like this i.e. getting a fragrance without any apparent source, but dismissed it as we did not know better. A spiritual experience can also be perceived through the other four subtle sense organs of taste, touch, sound and vision and also the subtle mind and subtle intellect. This extra perception that we get, is known as our sixth sense. As mentioned earlier, even if one can perceive an event through the five senses, mind and intellect but the reason behind it is beyond the gross intellect of mankind, it still constitutes a spiritual experience.

An example of this would be when an object moves without any apparent external cause that can be viewed by anyone with their gross eyes (i.e. not their subtle vision). In common parlance these experiences are popularly known as paranormal. These experiences are called ‘perceptions from the subtle dimension’.

Let us take another example of a mother whose child lies in critical condition in ICU following a gruesome accident. The doctors have tried everything but the child is just not responding. They are not promising anything. At her wits end, she fervently and continuously prays to God for her unconscious child. 

Then miraculously and without any medical explanation, the next day there is a noticeable improvement in the child. In time, the child steadily improves and moves out of danger. Here the child’s condition and the mother’s prayer are both in the gross, but the cause of the medical science-defying-improvement is not explainable by the intellect. Experiences such as these too fall into the category of spiritual experiences.

The Truth Poem
Posted on April 5, 2013 by Seeker ...

This poem was written on August 20, 2011.

Truth runs deep, how deep? Will we ever know?

It seems so firm, yet it’s elusive , If you're honest not in denial
It’s pursuit is a pleasure although sometimes it feels like it’s a trial

Try your hand at finding it, it is our life divine.
When you believe you have found it, you will block it’s further shine.

Truth is not the destination a place at which to stay
rather it’s the process revealed along the way

Please join in on this life process, it is a genuine life mission
if you think you have, “The Truth” your life will be imprisoned

So be open, be honest, accepting all as Him.
if we reject anyone or anything our vision will be dimmed

Please keep the course, pursue the faith, accept the advice above
The depth of truth we should all pursue is the path of light and love

Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

✿ ڰۣ❤In Loving Light from the Fairy Lady❤ڰۣ✿