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Friday, 21 August 2015

My Early Empathy Experience

Part 1
My Early Empathy Experience 
Originally Written Thursday 19 September 2013
Revised 21 August 2015

Hi dear friend and followers. I wish to thank you for visiting and reading my blog.
As I promised here is the first entry of my own personal experience with empathy, I hope you find it interesting

In my earlier years I was not aware of, nor did I know, what empathy was. Yes, the sensitivities were there, but I never identified my sensitivities as being different from what anyone else experiences. But on the other hand, I was well aware that I was different from most others. I just didn't know in what manner. This could also have derived from my discomfort around others and need to isolate myself in earlier years.

It was the very sensitivities of empathy that mostly alienated me from others, and kept me from having any type of meaningful relationship or friendship with any other persons with the exception of a few who were tagged as strange or misfits as well.

Sensing the vibes of others and telling them or mirroring things about themselves that only they should be aware of was rather unnerving for any individual, and this is where I learned the hard way that no one liked their horoscope told without the cards.

But feeling other people psychically or emotionally often caused me to go into depressions. It hasn't been until relatively recent years that I learned about the phenomenon of empathy, or the blue ray, as it is in more recent times popularly identified as indigo. 

Indigo is only a label describing the color of the crown chakra, an intensely sensitive energy flow radiating from the heart chakra. It is through this energy field that one knows and sees things above the physical known reality we live in and even heal other people, animals and plants in varying degrees as well when once one learns how to work with these abilities.

So all of this psychic and emotional energy constantly going on inside of me left me in a rather chaotic state of mind, and to compensate for this my thinking process has become more and more complex. In other words, I guess that in order to deal with the problem of my sensitivities going through the roof, I unconsciously started being able to process my thoughts about many things at the same time, mental multi tasking. (i.e. talking to my friends while working on another project and thinking about present problems as well as the next day's, and the day before, constantly analyzing things in my mind, etc.). In other words, as the old saying goes, walking and chewing gum at the same time.

I was not very efficient at helping people who came to me with problems during that time. Not until in later years when I engaged my partner to help me screen them before I even attempt to do so. I didn’t trust my judgment of character. I had to learn to say "No!" when I felt that their reasons may be questionable.

Unfortunately, there are many people who seek an easy answer while exerting as little effort as possible in getting the results they want. Then they try to work out a solution they may not like without getting a negative reaction when I tell them this truth without sugar coating it.

There are many hazards out there for the unwary empath. As an empath there are times when I went out of my way to think the best of another, because I cared and truly wanted to believe them. But this can have hazardous results for those of us with sensitivities, to easily get hurt by that person who may know and take full advantage of that.

It was all quite chaotic and now it is just like anything else. As a result, the way I talk is, well, sometimes not understandable. Like my brain is going faster than my mouth and I'll leave words or even an entire train of thought out at times. Then I go back and forth to previous topics as fast as I can in an effort to recover and mend together the lost thoughts, then attempting to compensate with a new line of thoughts and ideas. While my mind is busy doing all this balancing act with my own thoughts I still try to absorb what that person or persons had just tried to inform me about; not an easy task.

So the question is, "Is empathy good or bad?"

Not really bad. Once I knew what type of internal processor I had that drives me, I learned rather quickly and adeptly how to utilize these characteristics in a constructive way. I found empathy to be an asset on many different occasions through my years as a social worker.

The grounding still helps. *Using my own auric energy,* when- ever I get a chance, this new awareness and how I now perceive the world around me,  seems to prolong the stress and that build-up of negative energy or anxious feeling. I still, for some reason, try to get deeper and deeper into the analysis of what *they,* society, media, or what any one individual might be saying, and what the true meaning is that lies behind the words.

Sometimes I am just picking up vibes from the environment around me. Whatever the vibrations around me are telling me (I don't question but mostly analyze) I know every time I'll pick up on something new I didn't see before. Another piece to the puzzle helps me to put things together, or go back and try again to see where the piece fits. 

Dealing with people is easier, but even though my patience grows less with the ignorant comments people make (well, not really ignorant, just someone trying to up one on me with their attitude). I've noticed, too, when people do that now, I don't even have to be saying anything. I believe I may even have a sister or two, or brother out there and that includes the web as well. 

Believe it or not, I find it easier to read people on the Internet then I do in person. Maybe that’s because I have more time to analyze postings than I do the words of an individual in real time. Who could vouch for that fact about the general population out there,

Beware of the "ankle biter" or the “attacking house mouse!” Hee, hee, hee!

Grounding and shielding can be important to those who wish to remain stable through the course of the day. There are many different methods for doing both. One does not have to follow any particular method, just use your own. I do my grounding just prior to saying my morning meditations, first thing upon waking up. There are also many websites on the Internet that deal with energy work and how to ground yourself. One method is as good as the other as long as it feels right for you.

Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

ڰۣIn Loving Light from the Fairy Ladyڰۣ

Thursday, 20 August 2015

The World’s Strangest Lake Monsters

The World’s Strangest Lake Monsters

Hi dear friends and followers. Today I have a collection of lake monster legends for you, Fantasy or reality? Judge for yourself, hehehe. Thank you very much for visiting and reading my blog. 

Note: it will be a day or two for me to get my story together on my own experience with Empathy and Narcissistic experiences along as the good and positive parts of being an empath, of which I have been blessed to have experienced.

The World’s Strangest Lake Monsters
 Rob Morphy

On the afternoon of July 22, 1933, George Spicer and his wife had an encounter that would not only alter the course of their lives, but would also change the face of pop culture in the 20th Century. The couple was traveling by automobile down the south shore of an isolated Scottish loch when a wide bodied, serpentine necked monstrosity — with a dead lamb in its gaping maw — scurried across the road in front of them.

This would prove to be the first modern day sighting of the legendary Loch Ness Monster and — along with the soon to be famous Surgeon’s photo, which would be snapped less than a year later — it would forever establish the image of the prototypical lake monster in the minds of millions. In fact, thanks to extraordinary beasts such as Nessie,
Champ and Ogopogo, it’s doubtful that there’s a soul on Earth who hasn’t at least heard stories about the strange, Plesiosaur-like monsters that are said to lurk in the deep, dark freshwater lakes scattered across the Earth.

While there can be no debate that these long-necked, humped-back, flipper bearing beasts are far and away the most recognized form of lake monster, the reality is that they represent just one of the many breeds of freshwater fiend reported by literally thousands of eyewitnesses across the globe.

Assembled here is a short list of just a few of the most fascinating non-traditional lake monsters that I’ve stumbled across during the course of my research for American Monsters. This list is in no way, shape or form complete and is entirely subjective, but for my money these are some of the wackiest, wildest critters ever said to be splashing around in a body of unsalted water.

Some of these creatures vaguely resemble known aquatic animals, while others are bizarre beasts that seem to be absolutely one of a kind. So let’s begin the tour with a strange, allegedly reptilian “varmint” that is said to have made its’ home in a little Midwestern lake in the heart of America. It’s a creature we like to call the…

Surrounded by a series of unpaved roads and shady cottonwood trees, Walgren Lake — formerly known as Alkali Lake — is a craggy volcanic outcropping located in central Nebraska.

This 50-acre body of water is renowned for its bullhead and largemouth bass, but it is also the reputed home of an off the wall, gargantuan, mono-horned beast that’s notorious for devouring anything or anyone who comes near it.

Eyewitnesses claim that the monster in question is an impressive 40-feet in length, with a scaly, grayish-brown epidermis and, perhaps most frighteningly, a bony, rhinoceros-like outgrowth that is wedged between its eyes and nostrils, which it allegedly uses to gouge out the bottoms of fishermen’s boats. This colossal, crocodilian creature is also known for its consumption of local livestock and the foul odor which it is said to emit.
The Alkali Monster was originally chronicled in Native American folklore, but the first modern report of this odd aquatic atrocity was chronicled in a 1923 issue of the Omaha World Herald. According to this account, a fellow by the name of J.A. Johnson claimed that he and two cohorts had spied the creature moving through the water from their campsite on the shores of Alkali Lake.

Viewing the creature from a distance of 60-feet, Johnson and his pals claimed that the beast resembled a gigantic alligator, with the unique addition of the aforementioned horn on its snout. The trio further testified that as soon as the animal noticed their presence on shore, it emitted a “dreadful roar” and began to thrash its tail, creating a massive splash, before disappearing below the churning surface of the lake.


The next leg of our journey takes us to small body of water laying just 250 miles north-west of Moscow near Andreapol in West Russia, where we will go in search of the legendary…
The bizarrely bio-luminescent brute known as the “Brosno Dragon” first reared its horrific head in the 13th century not far from Moscow. According to local legend, the brutal Tatar-Mongol army was on its way to invade Novgorod when their leader, Batu Khan, allegedly stopped his troops on the shore of Brosno to rest and allow the horses to drink. It would be a decision he would soon come to regret.

As the Mongol soldiers led their horses to the lake, they were horrified to see an immense roaring beast lunge from the black waters to devoured both the animals and soldiers alike. The troops further inland were so terrified by their comrades’ fates that they immediately turned back. Thus, according to folklore, Novgorod was saved by the appetite of this “lake dragon.”

This would not be the last time that this monster would show its political allegiance. According to lake residents, during World War II — in a maneuver that would have made Winston Churchill proud — the dragon once again surface and managed to swallow a Nazi airplane (or at least it’s pilot) that had apparently attempted to make an emergency landing in the water. While chances are it was merely hungry, I’d like to think that the allies had their very own lake monster on tap.
Considering the enormity of its reputation, it’s surprising that this creature is only supposed to be about 16-feet long. Eyewitnesses depict the beast as an iridescent dragon with what is alternately described as being a fish-like or serpentine head, although, due to the often frigid climate around Lake Brosno, investigators have surmised that this creature is likely not a reptile.

When not fending off foreign hordes or Nazi aviators, this aquatic dragon — doing what a dragon must, I suppose — is said to have intermittently spread its reign of terror throughout the small fishing villages located not only on Lake Brosno, but on the nearby Volgo River as well.

In fact, as recently as 1996, the Itar-Tass news agency reported that residents of the Brosno Lake area were terrified of what the local press has dubbed “Brosnie” or “Brosnya.” The article goes on to assert that many of the citizens of these tiny communities were so upset that they had taken to fortifying their homes — as quoted from an article published by Reuters News Service:

“’I’m afraid,’ said one elderly woman, Varya, who lives in the small lakeside village of Benyok about 400 km northwest of Moscow. ‘I do not feel comfortable staying in this place. The monster could crawl into my house any day.’”

1996 was apparently a banner year for the beast as an anonymous tourist from Moscow allegedly snapped a picture of the Brosno monster after his 7 year-old son screamed that he saw a “dragon” in the Lake and in November of that same year, the Karavan weekly sent an expedition to Lake Brosno.

The expedition consisted of journalists Marina Gavrishenko and Yeugeny Novikov, the head of the Tver Regional Legislative Assembly’s press-service, Nikolay Ishchuk, photographer Anaida Jilavyan and editor-in-chief of the Karavan newspaper, Gennady Klimov. Gavrishenko had this to say about the mystery:

“At first sight, the whole of the monster story looks like a fairytale. After the expedition to Lake Brosno, I do believe that the place is actually mysterious. Stories told by witnesses prove this opinion. We met with local people who were perfectly sane and adequate. What is more, all legends about the mysterious monster trace the roots back to the old times. I am sure that legends and rumors cannot arise from nothing.”

In the summer of 2002, experts of the Kosmopoisk Research Association went for an expedition to Lake Brosno and did echo deep sounding. The result of this experiment has yielded perhaps the most peculiar development in this case to date. The Moscow newspaper “Arguments and Facts” interviewed Vadim Chernobrov, the Kosmopoisk coordinator, who discussed the strange discovery they made in the depths of the lake:

“Echo deep sounding registered an anomaly. There was a huge jelly-like mass of a railway car size landing five meters above the bottom. The mass stood motionless. We waited for some time and then decided to make it move: we threw an underwater petard, a low capacity explosive device. When the device blew up, the creature started slowly going up. We stared at the water, and it was clear; there was nothing resembling a monster, however something unusual was still felt in the lake water.”

What did these Russian scientists actually blow up? Was it the corpse or, perhaps, hibernating form of the Brosno Dragon? Or, even more disturbingly, might it have been an egg cluster like those laid by many amphibians? Could the Kosmopoisk Research Associations lack of foresight in using explosive devices during their investigation have doomed this exceedingly rare species of “dragon” to extinction? Until there’s another sighting… or attack… it looks like we’ll just have to wait and see.


Now let’s move from the icy wastes of Brosno to the isolated forests of the Chinese mainland in order to find the albino beasts known as the…
In an isolated, forest strewn corner of China’s Hubei province there are numerous lakes and deep, water filled gorges. While the beauty and natural splendor of the region are undeniable, there are some who claim that far and away the most interesting thing about this district are the gigantic and viciously territorial, toad-like creatures are said to lurk beneath the unfathomable waters.

According to local fishermen, Bao Fung Lake and the other gorges that dot the region are infested with colossal, alabaster-skinned, amphibious monsters known as Wuhnan Toads, whose most disturbing attributes are their allegedly voracious appetites.

This phenomenon was first brought to national attention in 1962, when a group of terrified fishermen attempted to purge their favorite fishing hole of these beasts by throwing dynamite into their murky domain. The fishermen were not only unsuccessful in their efforts, but were actually chased away from the lake by a massive toad-like menace, which the men — for reasons known only to them — dubbed “Chan.”
Legend has it that the “hopping mad” Chan pursued the explosive-happy fishermen almost 90-feet beyond the shoreline. The fishermen were, understandably, reticent to return to the lake and reports indicate that these pale-skinned monstrosities have continued to plague all those who stray too close to their watery abode.
As intriguing as the 1962 episode may be, there is an even more impressive encounter with these unexplained creatures on public record. According to an account printed in the Brisbane Australia’s Courier Mail in 1995, Professor Chen Mok Chun led an expedition of nine scientists from the Peking University to the remote Wuhnan area in August of 1987, in order to make a scientific study of the region’s fauna.

As the scientists began setting up camp along the shores of one of Wuhnan’s remote gorges, three gigantic animals reportedly surfaced in the lake and began to swim toward them. The stunned men later described the creatures as being toad-like in appearance, with a pale epidermis and large gaping maws, which seemed to exceed a width of 6-feet. The witnesses claimed that the animals’ gazes seemed both “aggressive” and “predatory,”though these observations are strictly subjective.

While these men of science stared in stunned disbelief at the gargantuan beasts that were bearing down on them, one of the creatures suddenly unfurled its gigantic tongue and — before the eyewitnesses could react — lunged forward and snagged one of their camera tripods by its leg and drawing it back into the water.

The scientists watched in awe — and more than a little terror, one would imagine — as the animal proceeded to devour its inanimate prey. As soon as its meal was complete, the expedition members claimed that the remaining animals emitted horrific shrieks before submerging into the depths of the lake and into the annals of the cryptozoological record.


Now from the wilds of China let’s head to the wilds of Canada for our next run-in, this time with a school of colossal, ostensibly man-eating eels collectively known as…
Newfoundland’s Crescent Lake harbors a quaint fishing town along its shore… and a big secret in its depths. Known to the locals as “Cressie,” this animal — or, more likely, “animals” — have been reported as being eel-like in appearance with huge, terrifyingly toothy maws.

Coming in at an average length of about 10 to 15-feet, these hefty, creatures are notorious for attacking divers during search and rescue operations and, even more frighteningly, have even been credited with assailing their victims through thick sheets of winter ice.

The first reports of these mysterious lake dwellers can be traced back to pre-colonial Native American legends, which warned of the Woodum Haoot (Pond Devil) or Haoot Tuwedyee (Swimming Demon,) both of which purportedly dwelled in the lake. Since the early 1900′s there have been numerous reports of encounters with these creatures, and not all of them have been pleasant.

One of the more recent accounts concerns the alleged underwater search for the corpse of a downed pilot, who — in a situation reminiscent of the Nazi pilot and the Brosno Dragon — had crashed his plane into Crescent Lake in the mid-1980′s. The two scuba divers, who braved the black depths of the lake in the hopes of finding the pilot’s remains, found themselves surrounded by a vicious school of what they described as “gigantic eels,” which were as thick as a man’s thigh.
Legend has it that these eels or “Cressies” proceeded to attack the pair with voracious intensity, until the divers retreated to the surface. While neither diver was severely wounded, both were said to be visibly shaken by the event.

Another bizarre phenomenon which has been associated with creatures in Crescent Lake involves the mysterious holes which have been known to appear in the ice sheet which covers the water during the brutal, Newfoundland winters. There are reports that indicate that these tremendous breaks in the ice are not caused by something falling in, but, rather, by something bursting out… no doubt to the chagrin of local ice fishermen!

Whatever lurks beneath the waves in Crescent Lake — be they giant carnivorous eels or creatures as yet unclassified by science — there can be no doubt that they are large, vicious, and one of the world’s most terrifying lake cryptids.


From Newfoundland we go southwest to Wisconsin, where we find a lake that is said to harbor not one, but two, bizarre (and allegedly dangerous) creatures. These beasts are known, fittingly enough, as the…
Originally known to the Native American Nakota Sioux’s as “M’de Wakan” — roughly translated as “mystery” or “bad Spirit” Lake — this stretch of eerie, mist shrouded water now known as “Devil’s Lake” was carved by glaciers during the last ice age and is the alleged home of a pair of vicious, aquatic monsters.

One of the earliest legends involving the first of the Devil’s Lake Monsters revolves around a Nakota chief who assembled an expedition of warriors to go on a late night hunting trip on the other side of the lake. The full moon reflected off the night blackened waters as the young men and their leader slipped the canoe into the lake and began their late night trek.

The trip was proceeding uneventfully when suddenly a flurry of tentacles ripped through the surf, capsizing the canoe and pulling the thrashing, terrified men beneath the murky water. Although no one survived this ill-fated expedition, their screams alerted fellow tribesmen, who rushed onto the beach and were able to bear witness to this horrific event in grisly detail due to the moon’s lingering glow.

The surviving warriors of the tribe — in order to pay homage to their fallen brethren as well as appease what they believed to be the demon of the lake — held a festival every year, during which gifts and animal sacrifices were thrown into water. The tradition continues to this day.

As if a colossal octopus-like beast weren’t more than enough monster for one body of water, when the first Christian missionaries arrived on the shores of Devil’s Lake they were greeted by the Nakota tribe who told them about yet another creature that was revealed in the year of the “great drought.”

During that excruciating year the Natkota’s remained near the swiftly drying lake, not only because it was the only water source for miles, but also because the animals upon which they fed were forced to expose themselves in order to drink. As the summer progressed the lake grew smaller and smaller, until it eventually became two lakes, separated only by a shallow strip of mud.

One morning the Nakota’s awoke to find what they described as a huge, fish-like creature, which they referred to as “Hokuwa,” trapped on the narrow, muddy strip of exposed lake bed. The tribe watched as the apparently amphibious animal — which they described as having a large body, long neck and small head much like other prototypical lake monsters — thrashed and writhed in an effort to free itself from its drying perch. Eventually the animal made its way back into the deeper of the two lakes.


From Wisconsin we scoot back over to Russia where we’ll trek deep into the inhospitable tundra of Siberia to find the…
Lake Khaiyr is a shallow, actively volcanic lake located in the inaccessible, permafrost ridden Yakutia region in eastern Siberia. Dwelling deep within the bowels of this primordial pocket of water is a beast which has stirred both fear and controversy ever since it first reared its head in front of a renowned Russian biologist and a team of scientists from Moscow State University.

The biologist in question was one Dr. Nikolai Gladkikh, who, in 1964, made the pilgrimage to this remote region in order to sample rare mineral deposits and survey the fauna of the region. It was in a moment of quiet on the rocky shore of Lake Khaiyr that Gladkikh had the first encounter with the beast.

Gladkikh claimed that he had woken early on that misty morning in order to gather water when he was confronted by an amazing sight. According to Gladkikh, as he fetched water on the edge of the lake he was shocked to see a small headed, primeval looking animal emerge from the water and begin to feed on the long grass sprouting up along the shoreline.
Gladkikh described the being as a massive, long-necked, dark hued, reptilian quadruped with a heavy tail and a lizard-like head with two, tiny supra-orbital horns. The creature’s most distinguishing attribute, however, was the squat, triangular fin (supported by vertical rays) that ran down the length of its spine. Gladkikh claimed that he watched as the enormous beast thrashed its tail in the water.

Wasting no time, the exhilarated biologist swiftly made his way back to the base camp in order to alert his teammates about his incredible discovery. Gladkikh, now armed with a rifle, returned to the beach with his fellow scientists in tow, but the only evidence that remained was a large swathe of flattened grass.

His cohorts were understandably dubious concerning the beast he had described, but just when it seemed as if Gladkikh was going to have his vodka ration terminated, the expedition chief — Dr. G. Rukosuyev, along with two of his assistants — claimed that they watched in awe as the very same life form reemerged in the center of the lake just two days later. Rukosuyev and his men described the animal in much the same way as Gladkikh, only their accounts included the appearance of a distinct dorsal fin:

“It had a long gleaming neck with a small head. Its body was huge, covered with black-blue skin. There was a big dorsal fin on the back of its body. All of sudden, the animal slid back into the water. Some time later I saw it standing out the water in the middle of the lake. The animal started swinging its long tail to whip the water. The waves were rippling the surface of the lake.”

It wasn’t long before word of this enigmatic entity found its way to the press and the scientists’ reports were published in the Komsomolskaya Pravda and the magazine Soviet Life. From there the story took on a life of its own, spreading swiftly across the globe. Sadly, due to the remoteness of Lake Khaiyr it wasn’t long before the public’s interest died down and the legends of this mysterious monster began to fade once again into obscurity.


Now let’s head back to the states to a tiny double-lake in Michigan, where a strange and brilliantly camouflaged creature is allegedly responsible for scaring one teenage angler nearly to death. This unusual beast has got to be one of the flat out weirdest lake monsters said to exist and they call it the…
Lake Leelanau actually consists of two lakes, which are located right next to each other. While the lakes themselves may be relatively nondescript, the creature that purportedly dwells within their muddy confines is anything but.

Said to have a long, stump-like neck, an equally long tail and two abnormally large eyes, far and away the most intriguing aspect of the Leelanau Lake Monster is its exceedingly narrow girth. According to local legend, the beast first appeared after the Lake Leelanau dam was built in the late 1800′s.

After the dam was erected, the water level of the lake rose between 10 and 12-feet, flooding a large portion of land and creating a marsh-like environment around the lake. This is where the creature is said to thrive.

While there are purportedly scores of reports of this nefarious beast, the most detailed account of an encounter with this critter comes to us all the way from 1910. In the summer of that year, a teen named William Gauthier was perch fishing from his row boat in the shallow reeds along the shores of what was then called “Carp Lake.”

Finding that his luck was threadbare, young Gauthier decided to row out a little further, toward a section of the lake where he had never fished before. Passing several dead cedar trees, which were jutting haphazardly out of the water, the adolescent fisherman decided to moor his boat against one of the stumps and continue fishing.
Gauthier chose a tree, which he described as being approximately 5-feet tall and 6-inches wide, and pulled to a stop next to it. Little did he know that he was seconds away from the shock of his young life.

As soon as Gauthier’s rope touched the branch, two huge eyes suddenly popped open at face-level with the horrified youth. The angler was frozen in terror and after staring into this bizarre creature’s eyes for a few seconds the animal abruptly dove beneath his row boat.

Gauthier claimed that animal’s length was so impressive that he could see the submerged head of the beast appear on the far side of the boat while its tail still remained aloft. One of Gauthier’s direct descendants would later confirm that his great-grandfather had been thoroughly terrified by this encounter and that the event had shaken him so badly he avoided fishing on Lake Leelanau for many years.

One of the many things I find so intriguing about this account is the fact that Gauthier was able to paddle up right next to the beast without igniting an immediate reaction. Could it be that the creature was relying on its distinctive camouflage to keep it concealed; playing possum waiting for the boat to leave or — more ominously perhaps — laying in wait for its unsuspecting prey?
Also worthy of note is the fact that the juvenile witness did not recognize the stump for what it was until its eyes opened. This would seem to indicate that — much like stick bugs and there ilk — the animal in question had developed an incredible epidermal disguise, which allowed it to blend seamlessly into the vast morass of its stump-studded environment.
When presented with this hypothetical evidence one can’t help but to wonder how many times individuals who believe that they are merely staring at half-submerged trees are actually — albeit unwittingly — having an encounter with a genuine cryptid. Who knows?


While this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg when it comes to accounts of non-traditional lake monsters — I neglected Turkey’s elephantine Van Lake monster and Argentina’s whale-like Nahuelito among scores of others– it does offer a fun overview of the not quite Plesiosaur-like beasts that have been spotted all over the world.

So the next time you’re taking a dip in your local watering hole, don’t just keep your eyes peeled for a long neck and a tiny head bursting out of the water, because something a lot more interesting… and potentially more dangerous… might be lurking right below your feet.

Scary, huh? 
Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

ڰۣIn Loving Light from the Fairy Ladyڰۣ

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

The Justice Card in Tarot: That Integrity Thing

The Justice Card in Tarot: That Integrity Thing
by Lorna Tedder · in Tarot

Hi, dear friends and followers. Today I wish to share with you another example of Bullying by Lora Teddler. Tomorrow's entry will be one of my own experiences which has many characteristics similar to this story and other stories I have published thus far in this blog.

Lorna Tedder***I found this photo online, taken at the Florida Pagan Gathering last year between Ocala and Daytona. These are certainly some of my favorite people in the world, many of whom I’d known online for years before meeting in the flesh. In the pic…. In front, on his knees (and well he should be, as most of us women told him) is MR Sellars (“Murv”). Yes, I learned to spell Sellars by remembering that it’s A as in ARSE. 

Standing we have: the incredible Kristin Madden (Shamanic Guide to Death and Dying, Pagan Homeschooling, Pagan Parenting, Mabon), Murv’s wife Kat who keeps him in line and he’s grateful for it, the amazing Dorothy Morrison who has given me wonderful advice over the years, and that’s me in the black YOU HAD ME A HELL NO t-shirt between Raven Grimassi and his wife, Stephanie Taylor Grimassi–with both of whom I felt an immediate bond. These are some of the most grounded people I know, and it was a joy to meet them in person and spend time with them. FPG rocks!***

Throughout my adult life, I have been told that my sense of integrity is a bit extreme and that I have ethical expectations that few people can meet. Maybe so. My sense of integrity is very much at the core of my values and the person I believe myself to be, so I tend to become–some would say–irrationally defensive when my integrity is questioned. But why?

The answer, of course, lies in the past and is closely connected to the energy of the Justice Card. It’s a pattern that occasionally repeats itself.

I was ten years old and a shy, studious, but very creative fifth grader at a tiny school in rural Brinson, GA, known as The Oaks Academy. The building was ancient and settled in beautifully among oak-filled woods, poison ivy, and a few crops. I wasn’t one of the popular kids but I prided myself on my honesty and on my reputation for being honest and hard-working. These were things my parents had taught me–to do right by others–and even in elementary school, integrity and honesty were the foundation for my self identity. I still had that idealism that if you had integrity and if you were honest, it was all you needed, that Justice would win out.

Back at the Oaks Academy, during our recesses and lunch periods, we were encouraged to play outdoors among the oaks and up to the edge of the woods. I don’t remember who started it but I was definitely among the first to build “forts” around the trees. This involved staking out a favorite oak or group of oaks in the edge of the woods, raking back the leaves, surrounding the favored area with broken limbs or rocks to mark the boundaries, and creating a place to socialize with our friends. My forts were always incredible, with fossilized-shell-encrusted rocks for my guests to sit on while we oohed and ahhed over some antique bottle or piece of treasure we’d found in the woods at playtime.

Near the end of the fifth grade when May had already started to turn hot, I had an argument with one of the popular girls on a Friday afternoon. The subject, ironically, was over religious books, and quiet little bookworm that I was, I was outshouted but not moved in my beliefs.

The next Monday, as I walked out onto the playground, my classmates descended on me, screaming at me, demanding to know “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” I asked. My very soft voice wasn’t heard the first few times.

“You know what!”

Someone went to get a teacher who was to act as either mediator or judge, though in reality, the plan was that the judge would agree with the mob that surrounded me. I was scared. I was in trouble. Authorities were being called in and I didn’t know why. I’d never seen my classmates so angry with me and I had no idea why but with all the pushing, shoving, and yelling, I was really afraid. Some had sticks. Some had rocks. And they were all angry at ME.

After long minutes of the popular girls shrilling at me from inches away, one of them finally suggested I be taken back to the scene of the “crime” and forced to look at what I’d done as part of my punishment. They led me to a “fort” on the Northern outskirts of the school property, one that the popular girls had created the week before after declining to spend any time building forts until then, one I’d never been inside because I wasn’t part of that crowd and wasn’t allowed. All their treasures had been kicked over. Nothing that couldn’t be righted during one play period, but still, they’d been invaded and damaged. In the entire year of fort-building, this had never happened before, to any of us. But I didn’t understand what that had to do with me.

“Why’d you do it?” one of the popular girls spat at me.

I couldn’t believe anyone would think I’d destroy what they’d built. All I could do was shake my head and say I didn’t, but they were so loud that I couldn’t be heard. It wasn’t just my head that was shaking. I was shaking all over. Fear. Anger. I truly believed that all one had to do was tell the truth because the truth would set you free. But telling the truth wasn’t working. And I didn’t know what to do. If anything, telling the truth made them angrier.

I finally gathered enough of my voice that I was able to make myself heard. “I didn’t do it!” I shouted back.

My classmates quieted down. They weren’t used to hearing me yell. In the sudden quiet, one asked, “Well, if you didn’t do it, then who did?”

I didn’t know. I had no idea. My lack of an answer was further proof to them of my guilt. Their fort, the one on the Northen fringe of the playground near the highway, was the only one that had been damaged. Mine,
on the other side of the school, hadn’t been touched. Evidence, they declared. Who else would have such ill intentions toward them? Everybody liked them but me, and I’d had an argument with their ring leader only days before.

I still thought all I had to do was to be honest. “I didn’t do it,” I insisted.

“Liar,” the leader of the popular girls announced in front of the thirty or so kids surrounding me. “Don’t you look at me with those innocent eyes! I know better!”

I wonder now about the look on my face that made her see innocence in my eyes when she wouldn’t believe it. Before I could say anything else, someone in the group demanded justice, and if I wouldn’t admit to being a liar, then they’d go find justice themselves. I stood there alone with tears running down my cheeks from my “innocent eyes” as they marched away to the other side of the school, to where my fort was. Amid cheers, it took a couple of dozen irate children less than five minutes to destroy everything I’d built over the past school year. There was nothing left–the stone stools, the antique bottles, the perfect boundaries, the treasures–all gone or shattered. Nothing left but their anger and sudden feelings of vindication. Of “justice.”

The justice there was certainly a balancing action, so that their sense of justice was served by giving them something that, in their sight, was equal to what they’d lost. But their frenzy for justice left something dreadfully unbalanced for me.

As I stood there, at a distance, watching through my tears, the teacher in charge of the playground strode up to me and pursed her lips. “What are you crying about?” she asked, not too happy that her coffee time with another teacher had been interrupted by several pre-pubescent girls. Before I could tell her I’d been falsely accused of something and no one would believe me, she added, “And you’d better NOT be crying about those forts or you’re going to be in more trouble, young lady!”

I never told her what I was crying about. It wasn’t about the fort I’d have to leave behind when school was out the next week. It was about having my honesty questioned. But she wouldn’t have known the difference. And all I felt was the sting of injustice and the loss of something more precious to me that a bunch of rocks and logs.

The school year ended a few days later. I didn’t see my classmates over the summer, and when school started again in the fall, the fort incident had been long forgotten by everyone. Everyone but me, Innocent Eyes. My friends were still my friends, the popular girls were still popular without me, and we built new forts in new places. But the trauma of being at the mercy of an angry mob of my peers and with no help from either authority or the truth, well, that has always stuck with me and helped to shape my ideas of justice and integrity and balance.

I did finally find a small degree of balance, though I never found the justice I’d desired. Years later, after the popular girls were no longer at my school and no one but me cared that that incident had ever happened, one of my classmates asked if I remembered the time I’d been accused of destroying someone else’s playthings and had almost been beaten up over it if the teacher hadn’t been on her way to stop it.

Her older brother had had two friends over and they’d told her a funny story. One weekend in May a few years before, the two high school boys who lived down the road from my school decided to take a shortcut through the woods on the way to the store for ice-cold bottles of Coca-Cola. As they walked the perimeter of the school property on their way back, they saw the fort on the Northern border and had a little fun kicking things over before heading off in search of something more exciting to do with a Sunday afternoon.
From Living the Tarot: A Collection of Personal Excavations to Aid in
Learning Tarot Meanings and Symbolism, Excerpt Copyright 2007, by

Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

ڰۣIn Loving Light from the Fairy Ladyڰۣ

Monday, 17 August 2015

Bullies, Outcasts, and Suicidal Thoughts: Why 50 Is Better than 14

Bullies, Outcasts, and Suicidal Thoughts: Why 50 Is Better than 14by Lorna Tedder · in Personal Evolution

Hi, dear friends and followers, this is the second part about child abuse and bullying. None of us who have had this experience in our past really relish much talking about it, but as the lady in this post says, it seems and feels like it is of importance to educate others on this with the hopes they can prevent their child from going the same route we did. It is a very lonely and painful route. Thank you very much for visiting and reading my blog.

In the last couple of years, blogging about victims of bullies–particularly those that result in suicides or “merely” suicidal thoughts–has become downright trendy, and perhaps that’s why I’ve resisted. It’s not an area of my life I talk about much, because I’ve discovered that being 50 is a hell of a lot more fantastic than being 14. For me, at least. I don’t think much of it, but I’ve been reminded this week. After all this time, that little outcast who never felt she fit in or had a place where she belonged is still there underneath, even though she grew up to find places where she fit and even to relish being different.
Yes. Yes, it does get better.

Two years ago, I started a colossal project to digitize all the paper in my life. That means that important papers in the mail, old tax papers, even old letters are scanned and kept in two backup locations. It took around a year to get through 9 file cabinets of paper representing my home business. My 600+ square foot home office now needs less than half that space due to this project.

Next, I digitized important financial papers–tax records, old deeds, paid off loans, divorce papers. Last summer, I was down to more personal boxes of letters, research, and even–truly an excavation–the first fiction I wrote in my teen and pre-teen years, complete with paper doll cut-outs from magazines to illustrate my early spy novels written in purple (my favorite color) ink

This week, I hit the very last stash of paper…the deepest-held pains and the longest-held treasures. These were my “nothing books,” also known as “anything books” or “blank books.” I think I was 12 or 13 when I started my first one. Just a hardcover journal, unusual at that time, with around 200 or so blank pages to fill with my thoughts, dreams, ideas, and lots of poetry. I named them according to the theme from those 2 or 3 months of my life that I recorded in the days before blogs, titles like Life Flows On, Anyhow, Melting Slowly, He Waits on a Distant Planet, Better Left Unsaid, andWillow Rover. This was long before my “poetry-novel,” Nails for my Coffin. Yep, I was a chipper little thing, downright Goth in the boogie-oogie-oogie 1970’s, but it was very much a reflection of the isolation I felt in my world.

So much of that pain of isolation is captured in these old handwritten books of mine, whether as rambling poems or short “diary” entries.
Some people are bullied or shunned for their sexuality or their weight or just no reason at all. For me, it was almost always how I thought. Sometimes, it was about religion, but mostly it was about how I thought. I’ve always been different. I think differently, and that’s not something most people can accept. As an adult, I know generally how to fit into the structure. Even so, the colleagues and bosses who’ve encouraged me to “think outside the box” since the 1990’s are quick to tell me to get back into the box when it comes to my ideas about God, relationships, sex, publishing….

But the first time I remembered being treated alternately as an outcast and then bullied, it was early May when I was only 9 years old. And it was a temporary music teacher who incited the incident. Rather than simply excusing me from singing a pop song that wasn’t aligned with my belief system–no one would have known I was only moving my lips and not vocalizing with the other 100 kids–he singled me out to defend my beliefs, beliefs that no one else shared, beliefs that elicited laughter from my peers. And from him.

His name was Dan. I remember his last name, too. The song? “Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog.”

I remember the laughter, the pointing, the constant ridicule after that. I also distinctly remember hiding at home so my parents wouldn’t know how upset I was, sitting and crying on the front door steps alone, realizing for the first time in my exceedingly young life how different I was from my peers…and contemplating suicide.

At the age of 9.
I’ve heard of child suicides over the years, and while other adults shake their heads in confusion, I do not lack comprehension.
After that, my secret was out. Both to everyone else…and to a little 9-year-old girl who didn’t know before that there was something different about her. I was the kid who was different. Or for those who lacked the sense to employ that euphemism, I was “strange” or “weird.” The fact that I saw things in life in a different way was enough to make me a target.

The bullying was always emotional but in my case, it was almost never physical. The closest was a 5th grade incident I wrote about in
The Justice Card in Tarot: That Integrity Thing

To be continued
Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

ڰۣIn Loving Light from the Fairy Ladyڰۣ

Sunday, 16 August 2015

Demi Lovato, Child Suicide, and Early Relationships with Narcissists

Demi Lovato, Child Suicide, and Early Relationships with Narcissists
Hi dear friends and followers, welcome to my blog. Today I wish to share with you the very real and tragic phenomenon of child suicide 
 by Lorna Tedder · in Grief, Personal Evolution

Can a child of 7 be suicidal? If there are bullies and narcissists in her life…yes.

When the news broke that Demi Lovato was suicidal at the age of 7, the comments tended to fall into one of two categories:

1. “She just wants attention. Lots of people are abused and suicidal at that age.”

2. “She just wants attention. A 7-year-old doesn’t have any concept of suicide.”

I don’t know if Demi Lovato is “just wanting attention” or not, but for those people paying attention, she raises a sensitive issue of child suicide. Does a child that young understand the concept? Oh, yes. At least, I did. Does it happen? Yes, though it’s often painted as an accident. I knew some of those kids, and I can’t imagine that their parents could have seen it as anything but accidental or that their pre-teens were just too young to understand the consequences of a dangerous act.

When I say “child suicide,” I am not referring to teens taking their own lives. I am specifically thinking of children under 12. As young as 9. Even 7.

Note: My experience with bullying was from the age of 7 to around 15, the only reason I survived through it, but not without it's scars, was because I had wonderful loving parents and an a hundred acre estate to run around on. I had my retreats, places where I could hide from the world. I never told my parents much about the bullying because I knew that would only make matters worse, it's called retaliation. At 15 I ran away from home for a time, that's another story, and in later years my self esteem went for even more of a nose dive, and developed an inferiority complex, where I thought of myself as useless and worthless, and yes the thoughts of suicide crossed my mind. This may sound silly but the only thing that prevented me from doing so was a healthy fear of, "what if there is a hell?"

For many children, life is hell. Sometimes it’s an abusive home. Sometimes it’s bullying at school as I wrote about with my own experiences as an outcast when I was only 9 years old.
Note more on this tomorrow with my own experience included.
The first time I remember being regularly bullied, I was 9 years old, but that was bullying from other school children, some teachers, and occasionally members of my Baptist church. I specifically recall being bullied by at least 2 adults when I was as young as 6. As an adult, I understand them much better now. It’s been suggested to me that they were mentally ill, particularly the man. No.

Not that they don’t have personality disorders, but who doesn’t? I know them now as an adult, and they both hold an uncomfortable distance from me now. They’re afraid of me, and maybe they have reason to be. I don’t take that crap anymore. I know who and what they are, and I’m more afraid that they might try to do physical harm than I am wary of their verbal and emotional abuse.

Both were people who didn’t feel they could strike out directly at my parents or big brothers, so these people waited until they were alone with me to slather on the guilt for anything bad in our surroundings and tell me how unlovable and worthless I was. They may talk behind my back now that I’m an adult, but they absolutely do not speak this way to my face. Not like they did when I was a little girl.

I understand so much more now, as an adult. I’ve had enough life experience to know that their treatment of me wasn’t about me at all but rather, their need to feel powerful over someone else. I was a little girl, a very quiet and shy child, and an easy target for two narcissists on opposite sides of my family. Looking back, I can see them for exactly what they were. And still are.

As a child, I was better able to keep my distance from the woman, but on occasion, I was left in her care. She never failed to launch into lengthy disparaging comments about my worth as a person. No matter what I said in her presence, it was always wrong, even if it was simply the direction from which I’d walked into the room. Every word I said was scrutinized and criticized. Until my parents in the room. She resented my parents, and I was an easy target, but when Mama and Daddy were around, her voice was like melted sugar, and you’d never imagine the horrible things she’d said to me minutes before. Me, I can still recall the curve of the legs of the dining room table where I hid and cried when I was 12 because she’d convinced me that no one in the family wanted me and that they’d be better off if I were dead.

The man was worse, and from where I stand now, I can see that he was a textbook narcissist. From 6 until at least 11, I was regularly tormented, including being doused with gasoline and threatened when I was about 7 or 8. The hell was only for when I was alone with him. When other adults were around, he tried to portray me as a little demon with him saving the day. Looking back now, I can see how much he enjoyed my reactions to his cruelty and to being helpless against other adults automatically believing an “adult.”
Note: I experienced this syndrome of adults being superior to me, and therefore, they were the masters whom I must listen to or suffer the consequences if I did not. I carried this syndrome right into my adulthood, for that matter right into my early forties, where I got my first introduction with a psychiatrist. After I began to learn to assert my position in life I came up with the nickname "Tin Gods," a nickname for those who were my superiors, and even the ones who just thought they were. That is what I perceived them to be before: tin gods. And gods are never wrong. Well, you know what kind of environment can arise with such an attitude in the workplace.  My jobs were never long-lasting.

The following I have never experienced, to that depth, and I thank the great spirit of my understanding that I have not. But I have had the experienced of blame for things I had no control over put on me, so I can certainly empathise.

The worst of it was being told, three months after my seventh birthday, that I was responsible for my beloved grandmother’s death (from cancer). This was whispered to me as I watched her in convulsions, being taken to the hospital to die. She was dying, I was told, and it was all my fault. I stood at the door and watched the vehicle leaving the yard, watched until it was down the road and out of sight, knowing I’d never see her again…and wondering if it really was my fault like he’d said with so much whispered venom that no one else had heard, that no one else would have believed.

It makes me so angry now at the words he spoke to Lorna the Heartbroken Child, for what he tried to make her believe. To this day, I detest him and his little games.

So yes, even at 7, I understood the meaning of death, and of suicide. There were times in elementary school when I felt life wasn’t worth living, and there were times like that at home, too, in my extended family when adults entertained themselves by playing with my emotions and self-worth. I knew what hanging would do, what guns would do, what drowning would do, what wrenching my hand out of my mom’s and running into traffic would do. Adults would have called it an accident, and refused to believe anything else, but I would have known exactly the consequences.

No matter how much I felt like I didn’t deserve to live, as a child, there was always my mom’s persistent love.

And when I would contemplate my death in elementary school, I always came back to how much my mother would hurt, and I decided I couldn’t do that to her. Not that I couldn’t do that to me, but I couldn’t hurt my mommy by being a child suicide.

I don’t know what Demi Lovato grew up with. I’m not enough of a fan that I’ve sought out that information, I suppose, but I do know that bullying and abuse of children lead to low self-worth and sometimes to child suicide. For me, my mom’s love was the one thing that kept me from the edge, but what about all those children out there who don’t have even that?

Note: My heart goes out to you dear.
Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day. 

ڰۣIn Loving Light from the Fairy Ladyڰۣ