Lorna Tedder · in Personal Evolution, Positive Thinking, Serene Living
Hi, dear friends and followers. Thank you very much for visiting and reading my blog. Today's topic is about whey some people will never be happy.
Every time I turn around, there’s a new book out about how to be happy. It seems we’d have enough already, but the audience is not only vast but growing. To top it off, an acquaintance asks me if I’m happy and I find myself hesitating to answer.
It’s not that I’m unhappy. Far from it. But the word itself has certain connotations for me that I still have difficulty with at times. Somehow I associate “happy” with carefree, smiling and having it all, with “all” defined as great family, great career, great marriage, great bank account, etc. So “happy” becomes a 100% scenario or nothing. According to this connotation, you can’t be a little bit “happy.” You have to have it all, as predefined for us. And “all” tends to be about things or conditions that are often outside our control.
Note: Yes for me in previous years I was unhappy because of the expectations I set for myself and fell short, almost all of them actually. To this day, I do not know why except that maybe the expectations I set myself up for were just more than I could accomplish or possibly from negative thinking. How can you achieve a goal if you are setting up mental traps to fail, negative thinking, Like one in particular for example, what makes me think I am worthy. During those years, my life was so negative I am surprised the very air around me didn't ionise.
See, I think I’m pretty happy these days. Life is good. Things are rolling along nicely. I’m having fun and I’m making meaningful connections and anytime I’m depressed, it’s just a fleeting moment or sometimes the natural mourning of something lost or a reaction to a major upheaval. It doesn’t last long though. I’m not down in the muck, and the sunshine feels quite nice up here.
But by the old definition, the one that was programmed into me as a child and teenager, I can’t possibly be “happy” because I don’t have 100% of my dreams or 100% of what others dream for me. I can’t possibly be “happy” because I’m not in a committed relationship right now and I’m not fabulously rich and famous. Okay, that’s a hard standard to meet, but I didn’t set it myself. It was set for me by the world around me when I was a child.
See, I think I’m pretty happy these days. Life is good. Things are rolling along nicely. I’m having fun and I’m making meaningful connections and anytime I’m depressed, it’s just a fleeting moment or sometimes the natural mourning of something lost or a reaction to a major upheaval. It doesn’t last long though. I’m not down in the muck, and the sunshine feels quite nice up here.
But by the old definition, the one that was programmed into me as a child and teenager, I can’t possibly be “happy” because I don’t have 100% of my dreams or 100% of what others dream for me. I can’t possibly be “happy” because I’m not in a committed relationship right now and I’m not fabulously rich and famous. Okay, that’s a hard standard to meet, but I didn’t set it myself. It was set for me by the world around me when I was a child.
Note: This is true of myself as well, except the negative thinking didn't stem from my home, it stemmed from the outside world. If you are treated as a loser long enough you come to believe it.
I was a timid shy child and didn't mix well with others at school and the same later when I started into the work force. I was always the strange and odd one, left out. Until in later years when I discovered alcohol and thought I had arrived and belonged. Not so, that was just wearing a mask. The alcohol got to me in later years and had to give it up. My true happiness I found in sobriety as a social worker, I enjoyed much working with people, it was my life and to a greater degree it still is.
But as the author states in this entry because of past negative associations to the word Happy, I still have reservations in responding to the word happy.
The definition isn’t just internal though. I encounter it often in the form of other women asking–in response to my saying that yes, thank you, I’m quite happy these days–“Really? Who are you seeing?” Men generally don’t ask this question that immediately equates happiness with marital status (trust me, marriage and happiness are not always synonymous), but the majority of female acquaintances do and they ask it before they ask anything else. After that, it tends to be “You’re happy? Have you sold any books lately?” or something tied to career success, which is another way of measuring happiness in our culture. You can’t simply be happy for no good reason. You must have data to point to!
So am I “happy?”
In a fun conversation with a friend of mine, I note quite a few similarities. She is admittedly “deliriously happy” and having the time of her life. Her career skyrocketed this year, with a salary in the mid-six figures, and she has a very hot new boyfriend. I don’t have the mid six figure salary or the hot new boyfriend, so by some standards, that would mean I can’t qualify for happiness. Yet, when we described to each other how we felt about where we are in life and our inner sense of serenity with ourselves and what we’re doing, our story was the same.
Right after that conversation, I ran into a female acquaintance who asked how I’m doing. The last few conversations with her have progressed to the typical nosy questions about my love life, so I chose a different tactic.
“Are you happy?” she asks.
I smile. “Yeah, I’m enjoying my life.” There. No list of ingredients to be judged as short a little sugar or bread. Just my own definition of “happy,” publicly stated.
The definition isn’t just internal though. I encounter it often in the form of other women asking–in response to my saying that yes, thank you, I’m quite happy these days–“Really? Who are you seeing?” Men generally don’t ask this question that immediately equates happiness with marital status (trust me, marriage and happiness are not always synonymous), but the majority of female acquaintances do and they ask it before they ask anything else. After that, it tends to be “You’re happy? Have you sold any books lately?” or something tied to career success, which is another way of measuring happiness in our culture. You can’t simply be happy for no good reason. You must have data to point to!
So am I “happy?”
In a fun conversation with a friend of mine, I note quite a few similarities. She is admittedly “deliriously happy” and having the time of her life. Her career skyrocketed this year, with a salary in the mid-six figures, and she has a very hot new boyfriend. I don’t have the mid six figure salary or the hot new boyfriend, so by some standards, that would mean I can’t qualify for happiness. Yet, when we described to each other how we felt about where we are in life and our inner sense of serenity with ourselves and what we’re doing, our story was the same.
Right after that conversation, I ran into a female acquaintance who asked how I’m doing. The last few conversations with her have progressed to the typical nosy questions about my love life, so I chose a different tactic.
“Are you happy?” she asks.
I smile. “Yeah, I’m enjoying my life.” There. No list of ingredients to be judged as short a little sugar or bread. Just my own definition of “happy,” publicly stated.
Note: I am pleased just to wake up in the morning and I am alive, in good health, and all of my faculties are functional. I can look out the window to greet the world. I have food in the fridge and the bills are paid and I have friends here to greet, what more can I ask. My needs to be happy are simple ones, and I thank Great Spirit for each day
Thank you very much again, dear friends, for visiting my blog. Please share your thoughts with us, if you will. Have a great day.
✿ڰۣ❤In Loving Light from the Fairy Lady❤ڰۣ✿
No comments:
Post a Comment